sent home by ED in a state

Hi @Change123

I am so sorry to read that you were treated this way in ED. It shocks me to see how BPD sufferers are treated.

I too have BPD and I am finding lately that my own psych treats with no respect, treats me like a child. And I really hate it because then I retaliate with anger and sort of a tantrum.

Do you see a psychologist/pyschiatrist - are you able to contact them?

I am glad to see that you are okay now at home. But i truly understand that very high ups we as BPD sufferers have. And it can take a long time to come down from that high emotion.

I've also done DBT but how terrible is that nurse in telling you that you should have your DBT book with you in hosptial. As if. I wouldn't even do that.

You wouldn't even think of getting your DBT book and take it with you. When you're in that state all you want is a supporting person who will monitor you, support you and talk to you. Not what they did to you.

Hope you are okay now.

Take care xxoo

Thanks @BlueBay

I feel calm but not sure what else, I ws extremely exhausted and slept most of the weekend and I probbly stressed my body out too as I was feeling like I was beaten with a baseball bat, I just hurt all over. I think that was just it I was in so much pain physically and mentally!. I dont have a regular therapist I see anymore I have in the past. I thought I was taking a positive step in getting my meds reviewed which will happen in the next 6 weeks (waiting list) but according to her I'm just wasting people's time - I will still go through with it though.

I'm just totally still in shock at how you can treat someone like that when they are thinking of taking their own life and exactly that then made me act out more like a tantrum, I could feel myself talking like that and knew I had to get out of their or I would do something.

Hi @Change123,

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. It sounds like you didn't receive compassionate treatment at the hospital, but they didn't do you any real harm, either. I'm very sorry to say that it sounds just like a typical public hospital to me. They pretty much treat everyone that way, so try not to take it too personally.

I know it's almost impossible not to 'take it personally' when this has just happened to you and you were distressed and in need. It must have been a very disappointing and lonely experience. No-one wants to feel like they are not been taken seriously or that their problems don't count.

Believe me, @Change123, you do count! You are important and you deserve the best of care. BPD is an illness and there is effective treatment out there.

Of course, the hospital could have given you a one-off dose of medication to make you feel more calm and less distressed. Possibly, had you elected to stay until you were seen by someone (ie, a doctor) senior, then this is what might have happened. But it seems like they encouraged you to go home, claiming that you would have a long wait to be seen, if you elected to stay.

I'm a bit cynical, but this seems to be the tactic they use of just about every patient!

Strangely enough, if you do elect to stay there, they often see you very quickly! I have noticed this when I have brought relatives into the emergency department. You have to be firm with them and quite clear about what you need.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. what are your plans now? Can you go and see your G.P. about a medication review? Are you going to see a psychologist?

Hi @Sahara

Thanks for your kind words.

I was there from 12.45pm and left in a rage at 4pm so I was there for quite a while.

I'm still going to get the medication review even though she said I was wasting people's time.

I guess no matter how I feel if I choose to live I need to start going though my DBT stuff again and refocusing on me - I have another issue which is also impacting the BPD, I'm going through peri menopause and have noticed the last 6 months I have gotten worse and GP thinks it might be from that.

As usual just one foot infront of the other, thats all I keep doing. I guess I reached a point where I couldnt keep up the "mask" anymore and I just broke down. I guess the positive I can take out of this is that is was the worst I have ever felt in my life so I know if I ever feel like that again I can get through it.

Right now still sorting out my feelings in my head and just doing a lot of thinking.

Hi @Change123,

I am so sorry you had to go through that bad experience and lack of support from the hospital, that really sucks.

I am so glad that you got through that really low time and now you feel as though you know that you can get through it all by yourself, so even though you reached out for help from others, you still managed to cope on your own which is amazing.

It sounds like your are also now aware that other things like perimenopause may be also impacting and maybe addressing that with your GP will make some kind of an impact? That could be worth really looking into.

Hope you are getting lots and lots of well deserved rest and taking care of yourself,

Lunar 🙂

Thanks @Former-Member

Atleast I have had some good news this morning, I was supposed to wait 6 weeks for a review assessment mainly looking at meds (which could incorporate Peri-menopause) but just got a call that there was a cancellation for this Thursday so thats something positive.

Having now had my own ED experience this week ... all I can really say is .... "I feel ya man" ... even if you are not a man ... its just a way of talking. I am sorry you went through your experience which was a lot worse than mine. I will share some details ... in a peer to peer manner.

I was a good girl and responded to all instructions well ... "dont swear in my presence" ... "oh sorry its not directed at you" ... "lower your voice" .. "oh ok .,... sorry get confused as doing a lot operatic prep work where you have to go for the big sound" .... "take these pills" ... "yeah ok ... drug me to the eyeballs . . I'm compliant" "I'll do anything you want."

So they got rid of me quick smart which was fantastic ... My rage was at a 10 and all the other stuff like you too @Change123... I was also scared of running into the ED clerk that I knew from multiple choirs. I warned the ambo that if she was there ... it would set me off like a rocket ... (she was friends with a social bully and bit over confident in her job role and caused me and my family distress in the past)

I was a bit naughty and said to one of the police women .... when it started to pour rain ... "your mad ... you've got short sleeves." ... then I looked around and noticed they all had short sleeves. (probably the first time I have ever deliberately given cheek in my life.) Then the other policewoman who I had had a lot of good rapport with and had been in my house saw my piano studio setup ... came and explained why they all went short sleeved .. so it was all rational ... and I said I understood etc .. I felt a bit wicked doing that ... but they have to wear their vests and they get so hot in them ... that its easier to start with short sleeves and layer up if needed.

One of my angry rants ... was that I am very patient ... so maybe they thought it better not to test it ... maybe i hit a few raw nerves ... having an issue with past ED staff. I dont know.

I am a mad lady who is also very rational and respond well to all rational conversation ... at least I think I do. Maybe because there is no record of any behaviour like that ever before ... I dont know.

They gave me a taxi voucher cos I told son ... no taxis ... "I'll walk".... so they were nice and said I am in no state to walk ... which I actually thought was "cute" have they any idea how I have survived for the last 56 years on the planet ... never mind ... thats my story. The police and the ambos were actually very good ... but I engaged them thoroughly about good community policing practice so maybe that helped too ...

Possible Strategy: Dont hate everybody ... talk straight ... and intelligently with them ... even in a rage ... be disciplined enough not to make threats. (Anyway thats the way I am when having an ugly tantie.)

The services REALLY are over stretched. I am hearing it again and again .. by committed clinicians ... so that is another reason having this forum .. can help. Getting story online can help .. peers can help ... mostly stuff is up to the individual .. but the NO MAN IS AN ISLAND ... is important as ever in our alienated fragmented modern society.

Please hang in there @Change123

I can completely relate to this. It was triggered by a break up, which made me feel similar to what you were describing. I felt out of control, the suicidal thought were overwhelming but for once I actually didnt want to hurt myself.

I too was told by mental health triage to go to the hospital, before I left my parents told me that I didnt need to go, that I was fine. I got to the hospital and was treated like a child wanting attention and was sent home.

I just feel like no one understands. Its so frustrating not being able to control the way you react.

Well I dont know if it will do anything but I read some of the mental health act and code of practice and I believe they had breached that in their treatment of me so I put in an official complaint to the mental health commission. I dont roll over any more sick of being trreated like a door mat so now I fight back through proper channels!

I will let you know if I get a reply - dont worry I wont hold my breath but atleast it makes me feeling like I'm doing something about it.