What am I doing here?

I feel like the shell of the person I once was and supposed to be. At one time, I had it all and i was the one who was able to created such a life (I ran my own business, I had my dream job, i had goals and prospects) but then it all went downhill and i had a mental breakdown due to a very traumatic event. Just like many, I have been through so much and everyday is a battle. Its an internal battle that no one sees and i just end up suffering in silence.

I have been on a very slippery slope this month and struggling very hard to hold on. Ive got to the point where i barely eat and have lost a lot of weight, everything gets to me, i have zero interest in anything, i have no motivation, i worry and panic over things that are happening and even things that may happen and i now numb things by using prescription tablets or whatever else. I am severely depressed and my anxiety is sky high.

I get depressed because i have no friends and ultimately feel like i have no life, like i dont actually exist - i spend the majority of time by myself and that lack of social connection breaks me and even when my husband is home, i get little connection or affection from him (he cheated on me in september and i wonder everyday if i am enough for him, which i dont think i am and then i end up being a doormat to be trodden on constantly). I have no job and no money so even if i want to go do something, i cant and the financial situation just gets worse and my husband couldnt care less - he doesnt look at it in reality or logically. It all just feels crap and i really dont see a way out, well except for one way that is very appealing right now. I find myself wondering constantly, 'what am i doing here?'. I honestly feel like a ghost and more than often figure that it doesnt matter if i am actually here. I have had enough of this being my life and after so many days being wasted over thinking i could do this or that and then it all being knocked back down by reality hitting me in the face. So what is the use anymore? Why bother carrying on? The odds are stacked against me - i feel that is the harsh reality of things. Why would anyone want to carry on this life? a life that is utterly meaningless or pointless....I dont see a way forward anymore. I dont look forward to tomorrow or the next day because its all the same. everyday it is the same damn thing. It is driving me insane and i cant carry on like this anymore.....