New to the Forum

Hi, I am new to this forum and recently new to accepting the label of mental health issues, though my time on this earth is certainly not new.

But finally getting some answers and perspective is new. There seems to have been such an explosion in understanding of emotional distress and trauma including PTSD and neurological proof of the impacts on the brain of early neglect and environmental dysfunction.

I am trying to work out a succinct way to express my story, but I can't; so will suffice to just start with the surprise and disappointment at encountering the stigma of suffering from mental health issues as I have to an increasing degree over the past 8 years. The trigger was loss of relationship with my adult son. I was attending a church and saw people in prayer ministry who increasingly laid blame on me, i.e. have to pray continually, not feel sorry for myself, finally trying "deliverance ministry" on me as well as trying to get me to "speak in tongues". This was not some way out religious cult, but was an evangelical Anglican church, though these two women were of a pentecostal/charismatic background. One of the women told stories of how "God said this or God said that" to her as she continually promoted herself as being close and special to God.

Now I was a "new Christian" having embraced the idea of Jesus' love and grace through a Christianity Explored course I did in the UK and where for 4 years I received nothing but inclusion, acceptance, hospitality and respect with nothing at all "weird" or charismatic. I do have to say at this point I had grown up in the Jehovah's Witnesses religion until I left at 36 years of age, and could not bear anything to do with the Bible or religion for many years, and had been rigorously indoctrinated that such things as "speaking in tongues" had died out with the early apostles and disciples. However, the idea of being "demonised" and "attacked by demons" was very much a part of the use of fear and control to keep people "toeing the line". I started to believe everyone thought I was "demonised". I was working full-time in a fairly new job, having returned to Australia and was able to compartmentalise the church experience. I also wrote a letter of complaint to the minister about my experience, to which she responded by inviting me to meet with her, but basically it was a "fob off".

I am afraid that is all I can say at this time, but the rawness, pain and injustice I feel at how I was treated at that time is still with me. Whether it echoes a time of my mother's conversion to JW's when I was 3 years of age is a big question. She embraced the religion as one who is a fanatic, and she and my father argued about it alot. This was in the 1950's and she referred to him as an "opposed husband" and seemed to derive a sense of worth in being a martyr to his objections. An aunt told me one year he put up Xmas decorations and she ripped them down - this happened 3 times. I don't remember it but I do remember us arriving home in the car, my father must have picked her up, and they were arguing then hitting eachother. Next thing we were at a phone box (mother, me, two younger sisters) as my mother to her sister (also a JW) about how she'd "pulled his hair". My previously mentioned aunt told me my father had "ripped the phone out of the wall" and that was why my mother was at the phone box. All I know is that I used to pray silently to Jehovah in case the devil heard me and used what I said against me. When I was older, I remember being appalled as I accompanied her "witnessing" and she got into an argument with a householder, eventually leaving with her triumphant words, "We'll see who's right at Armageddon!!"

If anyone has got this far, thanks for reading.