@Loz_3647, I've replied to you before saying that I am walking the same path. This morning I decided that tonight would be 'the' night, I just can't take this anymore; then I realized it was my brother's birthday. So, I just got on with my day instead, and before I knew it, my day started to take shape and developed in a productive way. I have spent the rest of the day feeling as if these dark days haven't been happening.
I guess my message is...sometimes it seems that this darkness will never lift, and if this is all we have to look forward to, what is the point? When I'm feeling low and hear people say that there are better days ahead, I scoff, but @Loz_3647, in the clear light of day, there really are.
For me, I have found that I have to have something that helps me to achieve, to grow and, importantly, to enable my greater self-reliance. For me, that's education, sometimes self-education. I have a lot to catch up on. Life is not just a matter of getting through the day, it's what we achieve with each day—a day closer to achieving our next goal, learning something new, doing something we had previously thought too difficult...And it doesn't have to cost money. My self-education has been achieved in the library, good television and from YouTube.
My point is that we have to have a direction, a goal, and there is no excuse not to have these purposes; in fact, they are essential to our fulfillment. We can't stop peddling our bikes for long or we fall off, and that's when our problems surface and overwhelm us. Sure, take a break from peddling from time to time, but then we have to get back on our bike and keep going.
Don't let any situation or person get the better of you. Life is really tough sometimes; it's just when it is tough all the time that the going gets too much. I was trained to endure anything, and I did it in increments, learning to take more and more stresses, mostly without resorting to medication. These lessons have served me well.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you and have been concerned. I hope you're doing alright today, and that my words have not been ill-suited to your situation.
Sending best wishes, cheers.