Not coping

hey there @PartyPooper34, welcome to the forums 😊 I thought I'd tag a handful of our wonderful community guides to say hi and offer support @Faith-and-Hope @Judi9877 @NatureLover @outlander @Shaz51 @ShiningStar @maddison @Eve7

Sounds like seeing your friends is really important to you, but you're worried full-time work PLUS a long commute will make this more difficult. I think it's a really understandable worry! How have you managed seeing your friends at other busy times of your life? Is there anything you can try now?

I know for me, when I've moved to full-time work, it's often taken me a little while to adjust. Full-time work IS a big chunk of our weeks! I've tried to ease into socialising after I've made the adjustment. But I got used to the change eventually ❤️

And with feeing anxious feelings around living up to expectations, this sounds stressful! I know I struggle a lot with similar feelings. But a friend told me something which really stuck with me: they hired you for a reason! Whenever I get doubts, I just say that to myself

What do you think?

Hello @PartyPooper34 and welcome to the forums,

I work full time too and my commute can vary from 20 minutes to an hour depending on traffic. I catch up with friends on weekends and have some help with housework so it can be done.

Congratulations on full-time! I hope you settle ok in time.

Hi and welcome to the forums @PartyPooper34 👋

Hey there @PartyPooper34!

Welcome to the forums, I hope that you get the support that you need on here. Thank you so much for being so open and sharing what you are feeling right now.

Starting a new job can be really intimidating, especially if it is something you are uncertain about or something different from what you normally would do. I remember when I started working full time I was really nervous and anxious about how I would possibly be able to do anything other than work. I was worried that work would consume me and that I wouldn't be able to see my friends or family any more, and I was also studying at the time and felt as if I would not be able to even keep up with that too! I really catastrophised my situation and it all came down to it being part of the unknown, so I was letting my negativity spiral and depict how my life was going to be.

I think that a good way to think of it would be to use this as a trial period for yourself. See how you go for the next few weeks, and see if things work out better than you are expecting. Often the case is that reality is so different to what I was thinking would happen before, so maybe once you are in more of a routine with your new work and you know the rhythm a bit more, it might be different to what you are expecting (and you may find that you do have time to fit other things in around work).

Sending hugs as I know this transitionary time may be challenging.

You have all of our support,

Amber22

Hi @Former-Member uxedoCat (I think your name is so cute),

Thank you so much for your support. I really needed to hear this as I've felt like I'm not coping very well with all the new changes.

My friends are such an important part of helping me stay calm and regulated. I think words of affirmation is my love language so I think time without them really gets to me. I got into a pretty good role in the government recently and I think working full-time really makes me worried that it would just be such an all-consuming task.

Yes, I was able to manage seeing them during busy time in my life. I have some very supportive friends- they are more than willing to take time off their schedule to see me and make sure I'm OK. I just don't want to sound inane and burden them with all my chat of my anxieties...

Do you have any strategies that helped you settle into new work better?

Thank you for your time 🙂

Hi @amber22

Thank you so much for reaching out: reading your response to my email really has made feel so warm and supported. I can totally relate to what you said about work consuming you: I'm thinking about whether or not I would be able to cope. A lot of lovely messages have told me about how this is my first few days and I should really just be patient with myself.

I appreciate the advice to use these next few weeks to see if I can work out what is happening. Do you have any tips on how you coped better?

I appreciate all the warm hugs and support. Hope you've been well as well.

PartyPooper34

hey @PartyPooper34, sorry for the delay! I haven't been on much in the last few days ❤️

I'm so glad that you've been able to cope before. Hopefully you've done some things before which can help you out now ❤️

hmm I wondering if something I DO might help you with feeling like a burden. I do this thing called "check the facts". I wonder if when you feel like a burden, you can "check the facts" and look at how your friends have supported you in the past, how they enjoy your company and maybe even just ask them for consent before talking with them? That might help with a brain block?

I'm not sure if these could be useful, but some things which have helped me to settle into a new job have included

• Being honest with my manager/other staff about when I need extra information, help or don't feel ready for a task. I think most people value this a lot because they can trust you to say what you need
• Asking for extra feedback or checking if I've understood something correctly
• Accepting I might have a few weeks of quiet social time and preparing some bulk food (or ordering in!)
• I try to have some time with other workers too and ask them what they wish they knew when they started (including any documents or meeting invites which may have been missed!)

Your new job sounds great ❤️ From my understanding, many government roles have really great managers. So hopefully they will be available to you for support.

Hey there @PartyPooper34

Sorry that it has taken me a few days to get back to you, it has been so busy this time of year!!

I'm so glad you feel supported and that you are getting the advice and virtual hugs that you may need during this time. How has the last working week been for you? Are you finding it a little bit better to get into a routine with it or are you still finding it a bit overwhelming?

I think that the thing that helped me the most when transitioning into a more full time role with a lot more hours expected of me was to just listen to myself and to cut myself some slack. Work (especially when you are learning and training in a new job) can be really demanding and although I wanted to start to create a routine and make sure that I was balancing myself out as much as I can, I think that it is really important to note that when you're finding your feet in a new job and a new workplace you are allowed to feel a little be frazzled. All routines take a while to develop and a lot of them will naturally create themselves after some familiarity and consistency. So although you are wanting to get into a routine to make sure that you are still able to see your friends and family, and to get all the usual things that you do done as well, it is totally normal to experience a bit of a shift with these things for the first few weeks of your new role before you start to see where you are able to best allocate the different categories of your life.

After this happens, it is really helpful to create a calendar where you can physically map out the time you are at work and the time that you have free to use for anything else you want to do (seeing friends, self-care, visiting family, the gym).

Hoping you're slowly finding your feet at your new work,

You should be so proud of yourself,

Amber22