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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Good stuff Loopy.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Rick
Good reading....

Now may I respond.
My usual speak when speaking in 'the context,' is I am a proud consumer. Which means....'I have accessed mental health agencies in the past.'

Hear hear on what you write.

Now how can we gently spoon this into the community.
Bit by bit.

Casting the line out a little bait in a hook ....a little nugget of knowledge. Reel it in....community knowledge grow.... wait a bit and cast out again.

On our one mast schooner.

Being proud to be a consumer will start. A client. A patient.
Nice and calm.

Now my friend makes me dinner tonight. two games of scrabble with desert.
Tomorrow I'm getting my act together to start another pic.
Hope you have fun for the weekend.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr,

Sorry could not resist this one.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity."

Loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hi loopy,
Your research is very cool :0)
The first one is cheeky but also funny hey :0) :0)

The second one is so so true
So is the third one
Thanks



In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, I try to do my best. It is doing things, making others read and challenge or agree, that gives me a lift by taking my mind off myself and the demons in my head. But all they do is wait until I relax a little and to the fore they charge taking control again. I went out on Saturday night with one of the Vet riders and I had to call his lady to get him. When she collected him she looked at me and said,ïts all your fault, he hates this place and I could have been killed coming to get him you are nothing but a selfish bastard".

Blaming me for putting her life at risk. I felt like a total loser and I burst into uncontrollable sooking to be helped by a kind passer by who took me home, made sure I was safe and left. No name given just helping some Innocent person out. May HER god be with always. There are still some kind people out there just few and far between.

lost loopy.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, thanks. I really needed that.
Virtual OOOO
loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

So i just had the bombshell comment dropped from my dad..... "your bored? well get off your a$$ and do something"

Yes dad that seems so easy to say....... yet yesterday no not something i could motivate myself to do, 3 days of zero motivation = me being depressed and doing to great,

but funny enough stewed over it most of last night fell asleep for a couple of hours, woke up this morning ENERGISED!!!

So maybe that helped me - doubt it, i think my mood spike has helped me

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

kato, sometimes words like that shake the demon about in your head and he is disrupted when you wake in the morning, but don't be fooled he will wait for the right time and it takes over again.

loopy

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I've struggled with comments that are ment to hurt me, to push me out of being mentally ill. The ones who say " the truth hurts but sometimes one needs to be cruel to be kind " and then they give me too many "reasons" why I am unstable. For instance: I am weak minded, I have no discipline or self control, I need to be busy, I am too self absorbed, I need to think about how much worse other people are than me. OR: your just a whinger, you don't even try and the worst is when I'm told that I'm just plain pathetic! GEE no wonder I don't like ME!!! Yeah I'm pretty sure that I will be a stronger more stable person with listening to that good advise. NOT. Arrogant idiots are worse off than me, that's my opinion.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Dear Peace,
some people have said some horrible things to you.

Thinking about how to get you to love you.
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