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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

It should not be so hard to find acceptance and understanding in this so called enlightened age.

Enen gay and lesbian people have a a hard time finding acceptance yet our constitution says all people are equal. Yet I am beginning to see you are only equal if you're the same? If you don't fit in to there narrow boundaries then you are marginalized till you do or they find a way of making you better in there eyes.

Rather than say well we're not al the same some are different and some dont cope as well as others what can we do to help them feel apart of society. No this would be to hard .so we hide what we can and and live behind masks to conform and never really feel truly apart of there world.

untill people see MI as nothing more or less than just an illness like say cancer which in the past scared everyone but now we accept and try hard to find a cure and dont cast suffering to the edge of our socity then we will have to fight and be strong for each other.

Scorpion

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

SCORPION, unfortunately, MI is still in the dark ages. All the help and charities are for brain , breast and even now Prostate cancer is actually talked about, for decades that was a hidden man thing it is now spoken about breast cancer in men. Until we can drag MI out of the mists of time and into the light of day we have no hope. Even the organisations that specialise in Mental help only surface as a piddly little ad on tv of after a program on the box about MI. It is about time that the well known MI sites started to do what the government subsidies are given for, that is, to ram it down the throats of every Australian until it is as well known about as if it was an ingrown toe nail. No reflection on Sane because they are actually bring us together as a force to be deal with. Imagine the pull of this forum to get a Government to do a bit of money giving for decent Public Hospital facilities for MI sufferers.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Let's remeber that many people in our society no matter what their education are emotionall stupid.
So dumb in fact they could'nt pour water out of a boot if the intructions were written on the heel!

Pity the poor wee buggers...........

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Rick, I did not know that levity was contagious.

looopy

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

It is infectious, contagious and da da da..viral! Just like the forum!!

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

SAndy, you certainly have achieved something today, what is its name, I WANT SOME.

loopy

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

What you need is a good woman in your life.

loopy

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

@Rick

Don't you HATE it when people say that?

Good on you for laughing.

Cheers, K

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

@Rick

Sadly you are right there, the level of EQ (emotional quotient) as opposed to IQ in the general ("normal") population is quite low - it is something I think MI forces you to grow.

This is completely independent of having a high IQ, in fact a few people I know with very high IQs have almost no EQ (namely my parents). However that is not a given either - clearly you're an example with both quite high.

For anyone who's interested in this stuff Daniel Goleman wrote an excellent book called Emotional Intelligence. It also explains very well (and fairly understanadbly) how little of our thought process is truly rational - it's just that we have got extremely good at rationalising decisions (to ourselves and others) after the fact.

Cheers, K

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

@Loopy

LOL I assume the "you need a good woman" in response to @Rick ? It follows after your response to your reply to Sandy! Looks very funny! Seriously though, we all need good people in our lives, men and women. Good friends make an enormous difference.

Cheers, K

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