Trauma has robbed me of who I am and I don't know how to get myself back. I'm so scared.

This year has been the worst of my life, and the trauma from it has left me a shell of who I once was. My worldview is bitter and my sense of self is gone. I feel like a zombie, shuffling around pretending to be me. I've lost myself and I'm terrified.

I had an extremely stressful separation from my wife bordering on divorce and the stress of the legal and financial burden of ending our relationship sent my OCD into overdrive and launched me into a downward spiral of anxiety and panic. I tried seeing a Psychologist but they weren't really helpful.

I was convinced everything that could go wrong would go around. My paranoia went into overdrive and I obsessed over every detail. I stopped eating, sleeping and exercising properly and took no time to relax and enjoy my interests.

I would spend weekends pacing around the house muttering to myself about what was happening, then freaking out that our home speakers were listening to and recording me.

I reached a point one weekend where where I lost myself. I stopped being me. I became a simple shell of myself. I'm not sure what happened. I struggled at work the next couple of weeks and coworkers began to notice me just staring into space. This gave me even more anxiety.

When I look back, my own actions are nonsensical. I was definitely going through some sort of episode. I should've reached out for help. Been sheltered somewhere until I recovered but when you're in the thick of it you can't tell what's happening is bad. The worst part is it led to me to have an accident and end up in hospital needing surgery. My mental state has robbed me of my mind and my physicality.

Now, 4 months later I can type well thought out messages but I struggle to communicate socially. I struggle with memory unless it's old knowledge and I struggle with learning new things and dealing with stressful situations. I'm constantly anxious and afraid of the world. I can't enjoy the physical activities I once did and I can't enjoy simple things like watching TV.

I used to be a resilient, focussed, motivated person with a future in mind, but now I'm just lost. I'm no one. I'm nothing.

I need help, I need a diagnosis and a way forward but I don't know who to turn to.