Sensitive topic - Anniversary, losing my Father

Hey there @Beesummer

Oh my heart feels for you reading this. I know it has been 20 years, but it is something that sticks with you for life, and rather comes in waves (as I'm sure you know by now).

I hope that you have reached out for some help about working through this when it happened, or even now, as it is important that you work through these tough feelings with a trusted professional.

To share a bit of my story with you, I have not lost my father to suicide but I have lost my best friend. He passed away 2 years ago and it was a complete shock to us all. Ever since then I have been in a whole different world, and I definitely find that around the time of his birthday and the time of his passing are the most sensitive for me. I am still trying to navigate how to best go about these heavy feelings, but what I have found that helps me if to spend my time doing things that they loved to do. It makes me feel a lot more connected, and almost as if they are still here with me.

There is no easy way to go about the day/ any day without them, but I find that connecting myself to them in this way really does help me to feel better, instead of trying to repress it. For example; I choose to visit places where I know that he loved, or to do activities that I know he would have enjoyed.

It is a tough journey, but reminding yourself of them through things that they would have been smiling through is a nice way to look at it.

Thank you for making this post, it reminds me that there are others feeling this way too.

Sending my love,

Amber22

It is one of the most difficult deaths to grieve. @Beesummer

I have lost my father but not to suicide, but siblings.

Sorry about your friend @amber22

https://jss.org.au/what-we-do/mental-health-and-wellbeing/support-after-suicide/

Not sure if there are things closer to you but this is one service I know about.

I think they do their best. For me it was triggering as though the religious side of things is not pushed, I was still processing institutional religious abuse. But like the churches started up most social work things now taken over by govt or other secular, it seems they are first in this area too. The taboos around talking about the topic are huge and appropriate responses from people are rare, in my experience.

My sister passed nearly 40 years ago. I have memory objects that symbolise their lives or the lives we had together. We were separated a lot too for lots of reasons. I am more grateful for the opportunity to remember them and discuss this difficult topic than triggered.

Journalling can help, about feelings and the life paths. The most important thing is not to take it personally. It was his life.

I know one man who completely turned against his father who suicided and does not have grief feelings at all. More contempt. I am not sure that is a healthy way to navigate it. I tried to talk about the circumstances, but he did not care.

For me the painful feelings have receded and I have done many different things written poems etc. I have a broach from her that is pinned to a jacket. When I see it I acknowledge her in my mind but am not triggered.

Take Care

Here if you want to talk.

Sorry to hear of your traumatic losses, @Beesummer , @amber22 and @Appleblossom 😞

(And I just wanted to say in an aside to @Appleblossom that I suffered religious abuse too.)

Thank you for the replies and for sharing @amber22 @Appleblossom @NatureLover

So sorry to hear of your losses also

Yes I have also been through religious abuse and am unsure where my relationship with God even sits at this time as I am currently trying to repair my faith in him, but find I am struggling with this, giving over that trust 100%

I know I will get through the next few days again, as I have every other anniversary, but more challenging this year is getting through it straight & sober, 11 weeks now, and as I began a new life in a new area earlier this year, severing everything from my past, (all the toxicity), this will be the loneliest anniversary I have faced yet

So grateful to have found this platform to share and connect with others

Wishing everybody Sunshine today and every day 🌞

Hi there @Beesummer

I just wanted to say that you are being incredibly strong about this situation, and that although it seems really tough at the moment, you are being very positive by saying that even though you have moved away from everything and everyone that you know, you have finally let go of the toxicity. This is a major step to do, and something that is so healthy for yourself, congratulations. It may be really lonely, but there is also such faith and hope knowing that you have done this for yourself. Congratulations on being sober for 11 weeks as well, that is such a huge achievement.

So glad that you are finding that this forum is helpful for you, and that you are getting some great support.

Sending hugs,

Amber22

@Beesummer

Wishing you all the best with new beginnings and being sober and avoiding toxicity. Changing habits is a challenge.

The forum has lots of threads where you can share at different levels, more social chat or the deeper things.

Sometimes reducing expectations of others helps but no putting up with BS. It is so hard to know when to be compassionate and when to set limits, for me that is a big learning curve.

The whole religion and God thing is tricky. No easy answers here. It has been a huge part of western culture so not easy to ignore, but I try and find ways to grapple with it that include my genuine experiences rather than platitudes.

Take Care Apple