Experiencing something awful!

Oh @PositivePossum6 thank you for sharing this part of your story and I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. It breaks my heart to read that your parents are able to be like this towards you. I have children your age and three don't live at home anymore. I can't imagine going more than a couple of days without at least messaging them.

It sounds like you have great friends though as they sound so supportive. I agree with them, it's not right and it's not at all your fault. I've had a pretty rocky relationship with my own mum and there have been times she hasn't spoken to me for weeks. It always broke me even as I've grown older. We just expect a parent to love us unconditionally and be there no matter what. I am my kids' number one fan!

I would let you parents know how you feel and how much it hurts you and then leave it up to them. You've done all you can. Sometimes we don't have great families but we can always choose our friends and they can become like family to us. Like a chosen family. It's awful that your parents are letting you down but I really think this little community here can be part of your chosen family. You have so much kindness in your heart, I can sense that from the way your write your words.

Keep reaching out @PositivePossum6 and always remember there are people who are here for you.

Hanami

@TAB @MDT @Shaz51 @Dimity @Former-Member @Determined @AussieRecharger @maddison @NatureLover @Former-Member @StuF @wellwellwellnez @outlander

yeah that's a bit off my radar re parents @PositivePossum6 I have had dis interest ok that took years .Father never spoke so no expectations there.

Cant drag a horse to water if they dont want to drink ..

I never /rarely lived up to whatever expectations there were on me as a child/leaving home etc.

I did things for approval and didnt really know how to live my own life after left home.

have you tried seeing a counsellor? in my late 20s I was seeing a GP who was helpful, I was a bit taken aback at something he said though .. that he 'was being my father' .. what made it worse that prob was true and still holds true now am 60 still rudderless.

prob best to move on.

Write them a letter.

set fire to it or post it. Your call

send xmas cards.

Be true to Yourself

You are not Them.

Doesn't sound like that bad a thing..

Go Well.

Hello @hanami,

I really appreciate your kind words. I think I am long overdue to do another journal entry and to say some prayers to God. I am thinking of reading the lovely Our Father prayer!

Hey @PositivePossum6

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, I think that it would be a really difficult thing to go through, and that you are so brave for reaching out and wanting some advice on this. I have no doubt that many of our community guides and our members will have been in a similar situation and will have some great advice on this topic. As for now, I just wanted to share my own thoughts on your situation.

It seems like you have done all the right things so far by explaining to your mother how you are feeling, and how it causes you a lot of stress when you don't speak. I agree that the way she answered it was not very thought out, and I think that you deserved more of an explanation or at least you should have noticed a bit more of a connection from her side of things after bringing it up. If you have not noticed that she has been trying to reach out more, there are a few things that you could try doing.

The first thing would be to connect with her from your side by calling or visiting her more often. I am definitely victim to my dad saying "the phone works both ways" when I have accused him of not calling to check in on me in a couple weeks, which does open my eyes to the amount of times I have sat by the phone wishing he would call, but didn't realise that I wasn't calling him either. The other way that you could go about it is to try connect with your siblings more. Often you are wanting some family connection and if your siblings are more open to speaking than your parents that could be a great way to go about it and still remain in contact. You could also try sitting them down again, but this time in a more serious manner, and let them know that it is impacting your mental health in a negative way. They might take it a bit more seriously if you put it to them like that, and say that you have reached out to many people about it because you care so much.

At the end of the day, you are wanting to speak to them more because you love them and you care about them. That is the sweetest thing, and I think that they should be flattered that you love them so much that you are wanting this connection.

Take care,

Amber22

Hi @PositivePossum6 I'm sorry you're experiencing this pain, I can hear how hurtful it is.

So your mother doesn't ring. I wonder if she doesn't want the connection, or if she feels it might be invading your personal space and autonomy. Perhaps you could think about the other ways in which you enjoy your parents' company - a shared meal or activity, texting an amusing or interesting link, or helping them out - and plan for these.

Sometimes our family relationships leave us treading on eggshells, fearful of upset or rejection, or feel like walking a tightrope in buffeting winds. My parents have passed but I experience this with a sibling.

I appreciate your kindness so much ❤️@PositivePossum6

Hi @PositivePossum6

I read your post & can feel the pain in your words. My mother has said basically the exact same response to me before when I have tried to confront her honestly & genuinely about my own hurts. I can't make assumptions about your family dynamic.

It is so awful & it really hurts.

Please take it slow. You seem like an amazing person. Very kind & thoughtful & honest & giving & joyful.

Is this the prayer you were taking about? It has helped me through many many many hard times.

You are a wonderful, beautiful creation @PositivePossum6

Hey @PositivePossum6

Any chance you have thought about and broken down the elements of what makes you feel better about talking to your parents? Does it make you feel connected, or does it give you confidence.. Is it a link to childhood?

I am just curious to know what you are feeling when you get to this point and what is it you are searching for? Do you feel like your mum is the only one who really knows you?