Thinking of throwing in the towel and walking away

I might be getting into semantics and stuff, but I'd like to say its's more a 'genetic predispostion', meaning that one can be predisposed to having an ailment but not it is certainly not determined. There's a set of circumstances that can contribute to illness, like their environment, life stressors, and people's capacity to cope, which can depend on their learned coping skills.

@Espoirand @Alessandra1992 I reckon it can be a bit of both, but I'm hesitant to say that just because it's in your family that you're doomed to be unwell. It's more complicated than that, environment and social circumstances play a huge role in well being too.

Just thought I'd put my two cents in...

There is alot to ponder in raising the question of mental illness being in the genes.

I have read some studies where the thought is that most mental disorders are not directly passed from one generation to another genetically, and there is no single cause for mental illness.

I have however known people who suffer from depression and I know one of their parents also had depression.

I only speak of my experience in my family where nobody other than my sibling has a mental illness.

I do believe that outside factors can majorly contribute to a persons mental well being. I know with all that I have been through I have suffered because of it and it has affected my own mental health, but no great surprise there. I put that to one side though because it's clearly cause and effect.

There doesn't seem to be a clear answer as to why some people get a mental illness and others don't. It's even harder to understand why some people get multiple problems around their mental illness. My sibling not only has BPD but also has had bouts of depression, anxiety, paranoia and obsessive compulsive disorder. I wonder where on earth all of that could have come from.

Kiera80-

While mental illness is sometimes genetic it isn't always, i agree.

Unfortunately many psychiatrists get "tunner vision" and only reference from the DSM and forget(or disbelieve) that there are many other medical factors that can cause mental illness symptoms.

On the other hand,other specialists (such as endocrinolgist etc) often dont want to "deal with" people with mental type symptoms due to the stigma that they have towards them and direct them right back to the psychiatrist instead of looking for underlying causes of their symptoms such as graves disease etc..

BPD-what your sister has been "labelled" with can also be caused by enviromental factors such as sexual abuse.

Other causes of mental type symtoms include thryoid dysfunction disorders,B12 deficiency,B3 deficiency,tumors,TLE,cysts and much more.

In addition,Postmortem studies of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression have also shown neuroinflammation,oxidative stress,mitochondrial dysfunction etc..

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/forensic-psychiatry/differential-diagnosis-psychotic-symptoms-medical-%E2%80%9Cmimics%E2%80%9D

http://www.eric.vcu.edu/home/resources/pipc/Anxiety_Disorders/Article_Medical_Mimics_of_Anxiety_Disorders.pdf

http://www.jneuroinflammation.com/content/10/1/43

Hi Keira80,

This is the first day in this forum and I find that I am been typing replies to all and sundry but am yet to follow my own advice.

My daugher also has Borderline and I have been trying to cope with her behaviours for 4 yrs now. I have been told that Narcisism is often and element of the disorder along with delusions of grandeur.

My daughter was physical abusive towards me but isnt now. I got her out of my house and into alternative accommodation in order to preserve my own sanity. However I am now financially a mess because she has compulsive spending issues and I keep bailing her out. It is coming to the point where I also am considering throwing in the towell. I feel as though I am trapped with no light at the end of the tunnel. I am now 52. I cant go anyway or do anything because I have no money. I am with debt recoveries and cannot get credit for 7 yrs now. I have always dreamed of being able to buy my own house but now realise this will never happen now. I love my daughter very much but I feel that if I stick around then she will never do the things she needs to do to manage her disorder. Yes the distance aleiviated the abuse but the financial and emotional trauma continues. She is not being nasty although that was how I felt before. The pain she suffers is real but the fact is that I am a pushover. She herself tells me this. I cannot bear to see her in pain so it is precisely because I love her that means I have to look at stepping aside properly. I have been advised by her psychologist to introduce some major rules for when she comes to visit but am not sure if I can manage that. Yes its hard yakka thats for sure. Let me know how you go as I am learning from you believe it or not! 🙂

If you get a professional telling you that they cant diagnose or (label) someone until they are 18 get another one as that is totally wrong and shows that professional is not up to date with information.

Good luck. I sympathise with your plights. My daughter can charm the birds out of trees when she tries to but I always knew there was something wrong right from Kindergarten days. The teacheer told me she had to move the other childrern to her rather than the other way around. I also got a call from her telling me to clip her nails because she scratched another child in a tantrum.

Hi @Repunzel63

I haven't been in the forums for a while now as I'm trying to sort myself out still. I have been to see a naturopath in the last few weeks and have found out a lot about myself that I didn't know before including taking the wrong medication for my anxiety. Good grief! I've about had it with doctors who will give you just about anything when there are other alternatives out there. I have also downloaded some great mindfulness apps which are helping me find some peace.

Anyway, I saw your post and just wanted to make a few comments. It's incredibly hard when you see someone you love so much going through the hardship that comes with an MI. Borderline can be so unpredictable too and there are so many elements that can present itself as you have already seen with your daughter.

Is your daughter on medication for the BPD? What programs does her psychologist have her taking part in?

It's good that you have the space you need. I also think it's important to have time away so you can keep your sanity. Things would have been easier for me if I had been able to be away from my sibling.

I also think you need to work on putting some firmer boundaries in place. The fact that your daughter even recognises that you are a push over is not a good thing. Lord knows I've been there and it was true with me too. You can't help it because you love them and you let all these things keep happening because you have their best interests at heart instead of your own. When it comes to money I now tell my sibling that every cent has to be paid back before any more is given out. I once had to wipe the slate clean when my sibling owed me a large amount of money and I knew I wasn't going to get it returned to me. It doesn't work that way any more. I have a budget that I need to try to stick to and I have explained that to my sibling. My 'no' is now working much better. Quite often there are requests for frivilous things that just aren't a necessity. My money doesn't go towards those sort of requests anymore. I always need to know what the money is being spent on and I'm always telling my sibling not to waste money on things that really aren't needed.

One thing you can try to do is get in contact with someone you can talk to, whether it's a friend or your own counsellor and start practicing getting them to ask you for things where you can then say no and find ways to explain why you are saying no when the other person is badgering you. It's good to get the other person to keep the pressure on while you stand firm in your decision. Once you get some good practice at this it becomes easier to draw the line in the sand so to speak. Sometimes I even did this with myself in the mirror and pretending to be my sibling firing questions at me was actually easier than I thought because I'd heard it all a million times before, lol.

You can be firm but also show that you love them and even if you try to find a way around something that works for both of you then that's the best thing that can happen. They won't resent you and you will still feel okay with the outcome. I do this a lot now with my sibling. When a problem arises I try to be a mediator instead of a rescuer. I will think about possible solutions and present those to my sibling. I try to make each solution work for both of us. If nothing does then my no will still stand.

Another way to keep the peace is to state that you need to think things over. So you don't have to say 'no' but you can say 'not right now, maybe later'. It gives you some delay time, whether that's hours or even days so you can come to a decision in your own time without being constantly pestered. Nobody can think straight when they have someone breathing down their neck. Have you ever seen a woodpecker in action? Constantly peck, peck, pecking. That's what it used to be like for me when my sibling wanted something from me. Without my 'no' boundaries that would probably still be happening.

Stay strong, keep practicing with the rules you have and look after yourself.