Resentment

@Sirine

Resentment is one of those unpopular emotional states, like admitting to jealousy. I was challenged about it early in therapy, when I doubt I had any hardened attitude was just struggling with my life. Now I can reflect (40 years later) and see I have developed some resentments, but I can also dissolve them. it was well after that initial statement. I see it more as a result of circumstances that can be generally be intractable and likely to revolve around situations triggering anger, repression or hardening of the anger ... Now I think the male therapist who said it to me was simply being misogynist and not patient to work through things or get to know me. I did not have enough personal boundaries at all to really have resentment. Now I see I can be resentful of certain types of people ... but also it can be a healthy wariness. I do not mind being proved wrong if someone breaks a stereotype I might briefly hold ... life is complicated.

Not sure what your situation is and your feelings are?

@Appleblossom

• I never realised that I was feeling resentment it was never acknowledged. Mine sits with my brother and mum. Ever since I can remember I was told to look after my brother, he was 13 months younger. I was a big girl and he was only little so I had to care for him. He was a shit. He would destroy my stuff and never get in trouble but if I retaliated I would cop it. He tried to top me 3 times and was never called to account. I hated him. He's passed now but the feeling hasn't. I also resent mum for expecting me to take responsibility for him. I didn't get the care I needed because I was a big girl. It's pretty shocking when I think on it. How come I didn't deserve to be looked after?

Anyway my therapist and I are opening that can of worms next week.

I'm 57 and only now getting the help I've needed for 40 years. I pray we can all heal together. Xx

Thats a pretty intractable angry making situation. @Sirine

I can relate to a lot of it as an oldest sister. The caregiving pressures are massive. I usually do not feel I can feel my anger at my brother for the things he did as he has passed, and one could not speak ill of the dead. My son threw out a picture of my brother cos he saw him do something bad when he was tiny. I respect that, but not sure how to raise it with him. Need to honour the living more than the dead.

Gender roles are still problematic and the socialisation goes well beyond the interaction of flirting or sexuality or relationships between men and women. The conversations still need respect and to be had.

Position in family constellation also has a huge role in early development. The important thing is not to be defined by feeling labels like resentment. It can pass.

Good luck in your therapeutic work.

Hey @Sirine

I think that this is a really diverse topic that lots of people will have different experiences with, so I really like how you have asked for others perspectives.

Personally, I used to experience a lot of resentment in my every day life.

I still struggle with it a lot but I have been able to look at the bigger picture a lot of times, and work through my resentment that I may hold for others.

I think for me, I would get very impacted by certain situations and look at the negative side of it (for example; taking something really small that someone might have said or done, and snowballing it into something large, and taking it very personally.)

Once I realised I was doing this, it made it a bit easier to work through and to externalise my thoughts a bit better.

Definitely something that is still a work in progress for me though, and will be for a while.

Amber22