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I feel Unsupported

ElsieSmithCasual Contributor30 Oct 2022, 12:59 am AEDT

I feel Unsupported

Does it make me selfish to want my family to be supportive? I've quit my job and will start a new one soon. Not one of my family members congratulated me and only critised my decisions and saying negative things. They accused me of being negative and say I should be more positive but when I try to be they add only negative to everything I do or say. I try to tell them how it makes me feel but they turn it back onto me saying they don't mean it like that or get over it or it's just feedback. They think I overreact to what they do and say.

My dad and I had a fight tonight and he said they were all tired of walking on egg shells around me and that I'm selfish. He is volatile and unpredictable and I would say I am walking on egg shells with my family and him.

I'm not perfect. My family bring the worst out of me and I find it hard to regulate my emotions and I say things I don't want to say that aren't always nice or how I feel.

I hate who I become when around them. They just think I'm this horrible person. And for a long time I believed them and a part of me still does.

I just don't have anyone to talk to, I especially don't want to put this on anyone else or emotionally dump my problems on them. It's hard because sometimes I wish I could just die or disappear. I'd get more support in death than life.

7 replies

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In response to: I feel Unsupported

LEVELup123Casual Contributor30 Oct 2022, 1:10 am AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

I’m sorry to hear about your struggle
That’s awful
Family can be harsh and I agree about bringing out the worst
It’s about attachment I think
You don’t need them or their approval
They don’t seem helpful so try to separate yourself get some space practice self care and make your own plan and recovery map
You can do this
And you will
I believe in you

In response to: I feel Unsupported

Unknown userMember30 Oct 2022, 8:46 am AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

Hi @ElsieSmith l know how you feel. Families are usually there for each other and you should be encouraged in your new job. I have had a similar experience recently but my family walked out and want nothing to do with me after years of criticism and belittlement. Keep your chin up.

In response to: Re: I feel Unsupported

PositivePossum6Senior Contributor30 Oct 2022, 9:40 am AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

Hi @LEVELup123

I entirely agree with you that family can be harsh and can bring the worst out in us. I have been there myself with my own mum and dad. Take for instance when I graduated my degree in 2020, none of my parents attended my graduation - my big day - my family offered no explanation as to why they didn't want to attend.

In response to your question @ElsieSmith does it make you selfish to want your family to be supportive? I would have this to say: there are unhealthy levels of selfishness, and then perfectly justified and healthy levels of selfishness. Wanting your family to be supportive, as you do, is a very reasonable request, it is indeed what I request of my own family --- but unfortunately I do not always get this at all. You have every right to spend time with people who do support you and want the very best for you. I have learned in recent years through my struggles with my mum and dad, that I have a new family, and they are absolutely not blood-related. One of my best friends I met at uni more than 6 years ago. He wants the absolute best for me and he does everything he conceivably can do to enrich and make my life a joy.

It is interesting @LEVELup123 that you should highlight that this is about attachment, I wonder if you have in mind attachment theory as advocated by the psychologist John Bowlby? I do also really like the idea of a recovery map. I am unsure what this would actually look like, but your idea has wonderful potential!

I am sending you lots of warm love, and high loving kindness @ElsieSmith

In response to: Re: I feel Unsupported

ElsieSmithCasual Contributor30 Oct 2022, 1:39 pm AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

Thank you so much. I'm doing my best to create space and live my life free of their control and judgement. I'm currently living with them for about a month and half left so it's really hard.

I don't have a lot of people in my life so the lack of connections and support is hard. But I also don't want to drag people down with my problems.

In response to: I feel Unsupported

Little_LeopardSenior Contributor30 Oct 2022, 8:34 pm AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

@ElsieSmith You are not selfish for wanting to be cared for and respected. That’s a basic human need.

and you are not dumping on anyone here. We are all here for each other

In response to: Re: I feel Unsupported

tymeModerator04 Nov 2022, 9:36 pm AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

Hugs @ElsieSmith - how have things progressed? I only just read your posts.

In response to: I feel Unsupported

Eve7Senior Contributor05 Nov 2022, 10:05 pm AEDT

Re: I feel Unsupported

Hello @ElsieSmith and welcome to the forums.

it is quite reasonable to need support from our families. That is not selfish at all. I’m congratulating you on your new job and I hope it goes really well for you.

💜

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