ryeSenior Contributor
Seeking support/reassurance on re-thinking diagnoses.
TW: mentions SH/thoughts of suicide.
Hi.
I've been having a rough couple of weeks and am feeling a bit confused and alone with my thoughts and feelings. About 3 weeks ago I drank too much and became very distressed, ultimately winding up with an ambulance trip to hospital for SH/suicidal ideation. Thankfully I wasn't admitted, but the experience shook me a bit as I'd never been to hospital for mental health reasons. My GP and psychologist were notified, and it's been a bit of a ride since then.
My psychologist wanted to re-assess my diagnoses (currently depression/eating disorder) because she thought this incident represented a pattern of intense emotional reactions and re-currant SH behaviour, and basically was considering BPD or traits of. She suggested DBT might be helpful, and my GP agreed. Then this week after speaking with her supervisor, she now thinks this was a trauma response, and is exploring my childhood. There are no obvious traumas I can think of, but it's been suggested I may not have had my emotional needs met as I needed.
I'm finding this whole re-formulating process to be quite a lot. One minute I was a depressed perfectionist, then possibly a bit emotionally unstable, and now I have some unidentified trauma? Or all of these options?
It's a bit confronting because this feels like a bit of an escalation, and talk of BPD and trauma feels scary and somehow more enduring than where things were only a few weeks ago. On the other hand it's a relief to feel like there might be a path out of where I've been stuck for several years. I feel a bit drained and my mind is drawn to thoughts of escape/SH (though I'm safe, and taking care of myself).
It's just a lot and if anyone can relate, I'd love to hear your thoughts or advice. I know realistically nothing has changed other than how my stuff is being conceptualised, but I feel a bit hopeless and worn down.