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Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

PatchworksSenior Contributor17 Oct 2022, 6:44 pm AEDT

Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

Hello

I am struggling. I live with schizoaffective disorder and major depression. I have two kids and they're both been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD since late last year. Due to emotional abuse from their other parent, I am now separated from my ex. When I write it all out in a paragraph like that perhaps I can understand why I'm struggling so much.

When I left my ex, the police were involved and I chose to find accommodation that i could afford so my ex stayed in the family home. Now that we're separated and sharing parenting, my kids prefer staying at the home. They say it's not me but getting used to a new place (ehere i now live) is difficult for them. It's breaking my heart as I can see their discomfort and I want them to be happy but I also want them spending more time with me.

I'm not proud but today I broke down in sobbing tears in front of them as they left my place to be with my ex. I am still sobbing over an hours later.

I feel lost for what to do. All I can think of is I ask to move into the family home and my ex find somewhere cheaper. I can't afford it myself but if I worked more maybe I could make it work.

I'm not seeking sympathy here, more a place to vent and my next counselling appt is over a week away.

I just feel like I can't go on with work and everything like life is fine. Noone knows of my illness nor about my kids diagnoses. I want to hide from the world for a while

4 replies

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In response to: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

PaperdaisySenior Contributor17 Oct 2022, 6:57 pm AEDT

Re: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

Hey @Patchworks Just stopping by to offer some support. This must be really stressful.

Wondering if you are able to spend time with your kids in an environment they are comfortable in such as at the park or something? I know that sounds like an easy fix and I'm sure you've thought of it.. it's hard.

It is understandable you're feeling the way you are. It's a stressful time and you miss your kids. I hope you find some comfort here 💙

In response to: Re: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

PatchworksSenior Contributor17 Oct 2022, 7:16 pm AEDT

Re: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

Thank you @Paperdaisy .

It's so difficult. I'm a bit stuck

In response to: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

Unknown userMember17 Oct 2022, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

heya @Patchworks, such a big change for you. And I can only imagine the struggle. It's no wonder you're feeling at a loss. I hear you ❤️

Be gentle on yourself ❤️ You're human too.

I'm wondering if you've used the SANE drop-in counselling line before? It sounds like you're really looking forward to discussing this in upcoming counselling session but it might be a bit far away. Is that right? If so, the drop-in could be useful.

I'm also not sure if you've seen this before, but there is also a thread called The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'. I'm sure there will be parents there for you to connect with if you're up for it

Sending the biggest virtual hug,

TuxedoCat

In response to: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

amber22Senior Contributor18 Oct 2022, 5:12 pm AEDT

Re: Mentally ill parent with neurodivergent children

Hi there @Patchworks

Thanks so much for writing into the forums, it is really great that you have reached out to share this, and I'm sure that there will be many of our members online that may be able to offer some advice. ❤️

I'm sorry that your situation has gotten to this point, it must be really tough, and I can see that you really love your kids. I am really glad that you are seeing a counsellor, it is really important to get some professional help when going through something like this, never feel like you have to do it alone!

Even though it may be hard to express how you are feeling, I always think it is better to do so (as long as it is done appropriately and at a right time) as it can really help to alleviate a lot of the stress you are feeling. I'm not sure of the ages of your children, or if you speak to them openly about how much you miss them and want to see them more, but if you feel it is appropriate, I would try speak to them and see if you could make an arrangement where you could meet in the middle. I can see that you really miss them, but I am also sure that they equally miss you! And maybe finding a common ground where you can organise some time/ certain days/ activities that you could connect over would give you something to look forward to and some guaranteed time, as well as them.

I'm really proud of you for leaving your previously emotionally abusive household. That is a really major thing to do, and takes so much courage.

Sending you hugs,

Amber22

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