Trumps24Casual Contributor
My first anxiety attack
This is my first post to the forum. I've been lurking for awhile and reading different posts over a few days. It looks to be a great space to read how other people are managing and sharing strategies or stories for peer support.
My daughter has BPD, she's in her late 20s. I read with interest a post from Brodie and felt a pang of guilt hit me at Tip # 10 - leaving the relationship. I've felt over the years (and it's been 10+) I am the only one she has, the one who understands, and forgives. It brings me to tears to admit that's where I'm at.
When things got really bad, I remember thinking this cant get much worse... and then it does. I didnt realise she was also an alcoholic and addicted to prescription meds. My anger and frustration with the mental health sector reached boiling point when I learnt that she has over 500 presentations to the hospital emergency dept. I helped manage her off anti psychotic meds after being told BPDs dont need medications. But she refused to stop taking all her meds.
She is often homeless. I find myself counselling confused housemates who dont understand what they had just encountered. People are generally surprised to learn that she has a mental illness, but then it seems to help them understand that it wasnt them and that they did what they could.
Anyway ... this forum post is about my first anxiety attack. I've been under alot of pressure at work in recent weeks. I've had counselling and have worked on irrational beliefs etc etc. I'm a mind reader ... and it does my head in. Last Friday during a meeting at work my heartbeat went into overdrive, my chest was all tight, I couldnt breath in or out very well, I had the shakes. I've been to the doctor and have a fews days off work. He said to take St Johns Wort for depression.
To be honest I feel a bit of a fraud. I feel I should be stronger than this! I feel guilty for not being at work. I took up swimming a couple of weeks ago for exercise and found that this lifted my spirits and gave me energy. I've caught up on a few knitting projects, fiddled in the garden, did housework and that's one day gone. I havent spoken to my daughter for over a week. I feel guilty for that too. I cant call my grandaughter (who lives with her dad) ... because I'm too sad, and I feel guilty about that too.
Wow, how ironic is it or would it be that I end up with a mental illness!!! Will this anixiety go away? AM I Depressed??? I do have a strong supportive relationship with my hubby (2nd marriage), but this mind reading thing is a little persistent 😞
