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Despair again and again

MEBCasual Contributor15 Oct 2016, 3:01 pm AEDT

Despair again and again

My son just walked out of rehab within weeks of being discharged. Feel sick at the thought all he has been through over the past year is lost and he is back where he started. He is dual diagnosis drugs and schizophrenia. He has been listed as a missing person. He answered his phone once and said he was going to get a job as taxi driver just needs to get his licence!! He runs the risk of loosing his accomodation and not sure what happens with his disability pension as a missing person. But It is the absolute worst feeling looking at ones son stuff his life up so badly.
I just found this web site as needing to dump thoughts...this must happen to so many families- heartbreaking. After 12 years going through hell with him we thought he was at last heading in a positive direction but ....

6 replies

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In response to: Despair again and again

MEBCasual Contributor15 Oct 2016, 4:50 pm AEDT

Re: Despair again and again

Hi Pip
He has to return to his DOH accommodation before December as he has been in hospital for over 9 months and they will not hold it any longer, hence that comment. A dilemma as he is no where near ready to go back into the community. The hospital know this and we're looking at sending him back then under supervision so he can keep his accommodation but he has lately been non compliant and using again. He is on a CTO and tribunal issues and the police will know about him but he has I feel returned to his old friends and not going back to his place and been missing for a week now. Lack of insight into his situation is not helpful and he won't see reason.
Such a long story - there is very little chance he will be driving a taxi but that is his story , he obtained a motor bike and attempted to get a licence after but needs a medical certificate which will not happen due to the drugs etc. thought processes are confused and irrational...Just so sad as we all thought he was getting better

In response to: Re: Despair again and again

pipSenior Contributor15 Oct 2016, 5:55 pm AEDT

Re: Despair again and again

Hi @MEB. It is a sad situation. How old is your son? It sounds as though he is trying to 'find' himself and possibly feels, since he's been taking his medication regularly, that he is better and no longer needs medication, help or anything. This is common with MI, often they stop taking their medication because they're 'lulled' into believing they no longer need to. I presume his so-called friends won't really care whether he is ill or not. I would hope the police will find him before he hurts himself or someone else. Once he is returned, hopefully he will be closer monitored so this won't happen again. Does he have a gf who could help find him? Or possibly somewhere he would consider 'safe' that you know of. If he attempts to ride a bike without a license and is stopped, he will be arrested for driving without a license. Unfortunately - again, you may have to wait till this happens before he is caught. I hear the worry and totally understand your concern. It's so hard dealing with someone who has any sort of MI because convincing them they need ongoing medication is a battle on it's own. He is attempting to try and 'go it alone' but, as you say, he is far from ready. He is obviously scared too, of the stigma attached to his condition and this is not helping him. Keep posting if it helps you 'unload'. I realize we can't help, but often knowing someone cares enough to read, helps.

In response to: Re: Despair again and again

SnowdropSenior Contributor15 Oct 2016, 7:56 pm AEDT

Re: Despair again and again

Hello MEB - although I have issues with my son and have done so over the past 10 years, I am not going through what you are going through.

I can't offer any answers, but would like to say that like me I hope you get some help from knowing that the people on the forum are thinking of you.

I've find it a tremendous help just to be able to offload my issues instead of just holding them close. It doesn't make them go away but it does many a difference to know that people are listening and wishing you all the best.

Keep posting.

In response to: Despair again and again

MEBCasual Contributor15 Oct 2016, 8:51 pm AEDT

Re: Despair again and again

Hi Snowdrop
Absolutely right saying it is good to unload, I was searching as getting more anxious and feeling sick about all, the bucket of tears seems to be full just now and yes I know there is nothing anyone can do but just needed to unload on other than family as they are over all. Just grieving....
Thank you

In response to: Re: Despair again and again

pipSenior Contributor15 Oct 2016, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: Despair again and again

Hi @MEB. How are you feeling? I realize nothing I could say is going to take your pain away, but the knowledge that you reached out and was heard hopefully helps you in your despair. Family and close friends often tell you (unkindly) that they've heard it all before. While that's true, it doesn't make you feel any better. It kind of isolates you more, because you start feeling that no-one cares. Your family and friends probably do care, but don't have words to comfort and support you. We all need support, comfort and the feeling that we are not alone in sorrow of any sort. since I have been posting here and on other forums, the support and guidance I've had has been invaluable. Our families often almost judge us when our kids err, this doesn't help. These forums don't judge nor turn away, we simply listen, read and encourage you to post as and when you like.

In response to: Re: Despair again and again

Unknown userMember22 Nov 2016, 7:06 pm AEDT

Re: Despair again and again

hello Meb

i feel very much for you. your son having an illness is a huge struggle on its own, his journey and now not knowing where he is and how he is, so much for you to carry alone.

family tend to pull back and think more about how you are affected.

i have written nearly whole books on here about my adult son recently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, forced to have depot injections as in total denial. his asking for my help and my visiting him and him verbally abusing me, threatening to keep me out of his life.

it is just pain, hurt, anguish, rage, worry, concern, love, heart break. just trying to put some of so many conflicting painful feelings into words. impossible words dont express even half of the feelings.

i know that you understand what i mean by that.

you are doing the right thing for yourself. keep posting on here.

i feel after i have written so much that i might be upsetting others, that i am saying the wrong things. i am hurting and confused. i am getting through each day. my heart goes out to you . take care xx

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