Hopeless

I understand what you mean @DJC around not having the time or mental energy. It's really good that you try and read every night - hopefully that gives you some respite. Maybe listening to some music or a podcast could help a little too?

I also understand why you can't always been completely transparent around some people such as your husband. Its another reason the forums work so well - you are free of judgement, you are anonymous and you can speak about what's on your mind freely.

It really sounds like speaking to a professional to help you untangle your thoughts about what has happened would be very beneficial to you. I really think it would help with your healing and get a lot of things out that are playing out in your mind.

I think through talking with someone that is non-judgemental and has the time to sit with you and listen would really help you get your life back and help you move forward towards the life you deserve to have.

@hanami Thank you for the encouragement. I will try to find something to clear my mind. I have something in mind but have just been putting it off. I think I'm going to go ahead and sign up.

@FloatingFeather I hear you. Truth is I have been in therapy before for around 4 years, after a major life loss. I am fully aware of what I am thinking. I am going to do some research around how to get into therapy here. But until then I just would like to talk about some things I have experienced and maybe I could get some advice. Because I am feeling desperate.

Hello @DJC ,

I’m here for a chat if you want. It’s actually a good sign that you do want to reach out to people while feeling this ‘desperate’.

in the past, when I get down, I’d avoid people at all costs. So the fact that you are reaching out is a great start.

I’m not sure where you reside, but in my area, we have clinics for provisional psychologists where you do not have to pay a fee, or a very small fee $10 for psych appointments. I have found them very helpful in the past because they are usually very eager and keen and if they are unsure of anything, they can ask that’ their supervisor.

I’ve also got a no-gap senior clinical psychologist I currently see. He is really really good. I actually feel bad that I don’t have to pay. I often ask his receptionist if I can pay something and they say no. He’s done wonders as part of my recovery. I’m so lucky to have him.

So I’m sure there are services out there. You just need to find them.

I’m sorry you feel like you are in such a desperate situation.

Just hold on. Thinking of the past will just make you feel worse.

@BPDSurvivor

Tx for the information. I will look around in my area to see what I can find.

I have a beautiful family (my husband and kids) and I don't want to make the same mistakes that my birth family made. But I'm struggling. My mind feels heavy and that makes me moody and tired.

How does one just say to themselves, the past is the past? How do you just accept the way people hurt you? And that they don't really care that they hurt you?

I just want peace.

Sounds so hard @DJC . You deserve better.

I’ve been hurt in the past. Terribly hurt. However, the longer I stay in the hurt, the longer the perpetrators are grinning.

If I rise above it, I have peace.

In the past, when I’ve been hurt by someone, I myself go and apologise for how it has turned out. Why? Because when I apologise, I have peace. It doesnt mean I condone their actions, but I’m sorry for what it has done to the relationship.

When terrible things happen, I do whatever I can to ‘sort it out’ as early as possible so that I can sleep straight at night. Why should I let hurtful people have the joy of watching me continue to suffer? I’m determined to not give them that gratification!