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There has to be more than this feeling!

ParalyzedSenior Contributor25 Sept 2022, 9:52 pm AEST

There has to be more than this feeling!

I am not very connected to my conscious mind, so I’m never quite sure what I’m thinking!
But the suicidal ideations, I’m very aware of…and quite frankly, I’ve had enough of letting them in and then letting them go, just to come back again.

I believe my body, mind and soul, have had enough, are exhausted and want to leave this life! The scariest thing, is writing this and having no feelings about it!

For anyone wondering, I have a psychologist, and we have weekly appointments. I also have a psychiatrist, and we have appointments every 4-7 weeks.

I have recently been referred for clinical trials to treat complex conditions like mine using particular drugs (names of med removed) and under the guidance of a psychotherapist.

As I told my psychologist during our last appointment; I think it’s too late for me! Even if it isn’t, I don’t know if I have the energy to battle what’s in front of me!

Sincerely,

Paralyzed

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In response to: There has to be more than this feeling!

NatureLoverSenior Contributor26 Sept 2022, 7:13 am AEST

Re: There has to be more than this feeling!

Hi @Paralyzed , I can really relate to this:

@Paralyzed wrote:
I don’t know if I have the energy to battle what’s in front of me!

But I am also really impressed with this:

@Paralyzed wrote:
But the suicidal ideations, I’m very aware of…and quite frankly, I’ve had enough of letting them in and then letting them go, just to come back again.

I am not yet at the point of being able to let unwanted thoughts just come and go. So I think you're doing very well there.

I can also relate to the SI thoughts (suicidal ideations) from past experience most of my life, so you have my empathy.

I haven't had any SI now for 14 years, so it can improve for you (I'm 51 now).

I'm glad to hear you have excellent professional support. I hope the clinical trial will help you...

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