Overrun by OCD and Fear

Hello ,

I'm nervous and new and needed to feel like someone or some people out there understood. I have supportive family and my partner but they have no idea what I battle everyday, I have terrifying nightmares and thoughts of accidentally harming someone by my actions or myself, I’m constantly guilty and can’t even do anything without having so much anxiety and worry going around in my head. I’ve lost the ability to do anything without stressing or having to follow instructions or advice, and my family unknowingly triggers me.

like today my mum dyed my hair for me and she used bobby pins with the dye to hold my hair down , the instructions said not to use any metal or hairpins with the dye in the safety and now I’m on a spiral and can’t help but freak out about possible chemical reactions, or what might happen because she did that. I tried to pretend I was okay so I didn’t worry her but I’m quietly losing it , I’m scared I’ll be poisoned or something or hurt others by being contaminated , or even that I’ll get really sick. I have no idea how to stop all these anxious thoughts and I have no answers for myself and I’m constantly thinking about what could happen and having no answers.

im so afraid that my ocd is going to get out of hand and my family and partner while supportive have no idea how hard I’m trying to hold it together. I’m so afraid and scared all the time of contaminates and chemicals , and getting sick. It’s becoming something that’s kinda taking over my life and my thoughts