I’m scared to live, but I’m scared to die!

I don't have much to add that could be of assistance to you, @Paralyzed, as my life has much in common with yours. I just didn't want you to feel that no-one cares. I can only send my best wishes and hope that life will become more tolerable for so many of us soon. Have the best day you can.

Hi and welcome, @Paralyzed

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@Paralyzed wrote:

Psychologist’s continued to tell me that I’m fine and that they can’t help me.

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I'm sorry to hear this, as you obviously have a lot of trauma. Do you have a psychologist currently? Do they know about the trauma?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

Hi @Paralyzed welcome to the forums firstly. Glad that you found us here.
I can relate to so very much of what you have said.

Hi @Paralyzed ,

I hear you. I hear how you are scared to live yet scared to die. It sounds like relationships feel like a lot of worth and really not worth it?

I carried that thinking for a very long time. I couldn't be bothered with relationships. I felt I wanted to be alone because I couldn't love people, nor accept love. AND, I also had/have suicidal ideation. In the past, I used to act on these thoughts, but I don't anymore.

I seem to have found my meaning in life in helping others. I still find relationships difficult, and some days I really don't have the energy to reach out. Other times, I do make an effort to grow relationships because I know it will make me a better person. If I had a choice, I wouldn't work on forming and maintaining relationships, but I know from clear research that it is relationships which help us grow in life.

I have learnt that riding the seas is about accepting the waves that come with it.

All the best, tyme

Good evening @Paralyzed , how are you?

Hi @BPDSurvivor

Thank you for your message. Apologies for my late reply!

How am I?
I’m doing okay. I’m struggling, but I’m okay.
In this very moment, I’m not okay! I’m sitting back in my recliner and watching music videos of my all time favourite artist, Celine Dion. Celine’s music has been saving me since I was 14, and she needs to save me once more.

How are you?

Sincerely,

Paralyzed

Hello everyone 👋🏼

I just wanted to write a brief message to say thank you!

Thank you to everyone that has sent a message, in support and for your kind words.

Sincerely,

Paralyzed

Hi @Paralyzed ,

Some of Celina Dion’s music is sooooo incredibly awesome. Hope you enjoy listening to them.

Do you have access to community events in your area? I’m joining different fitness groups in my local area just so I can get connected with others. I’m such a slacker otherwise. I’m pushing myself to connect with others because I know it is good for my mental health.

Otherwise, I’m quite content by myself at home.

Did you do anything special today?

IM on holidays at the moment, so I drive out to the countryside today. Took the scenic route and ended up waiting for a herd of cows to cross the road (or move off the road).

I was glad to get out to the country. It’s lovely here. I’m on the border of NSW and VIC.