Struggling tonight.

I have not had anything to right for me for years,whatever I do to improve my life makes it 10 *worse.I went off antidepressants last year and won't go on them because my life is that Hopeless.Cant get a job.I know I am facing hospitalisation in November as agreed with my psychologist,because I'm at the stage I know where I am at the end of the road and at the age of 44.5 feel my life is coming to a end because I am tired of fighting the I evitable fact that I shouldn't never been born but I will go in on the condition that if I dont think it's for me I can leave.Sunshine talk to your GP,ask if you can talk to someone at the hospital via visit or phone to find out what goes on.If you can't go due to your partner and child just make sure you keep your psychologist appointment and GP. All we can do is try but you have a child who needs you now and in the future.

Hi @Former-Member

I haven't read your posts before, but totally get that things are damn hard at the moment. I think that the 'unknown' is something very scary, so please ask your 100 questions. I totally understand the fear of being alone, and what you might do. I totaly understand the fear of telling people the real story of how you are.

This forum has been a God send for me. I feel less isolated, even though everyone is faceless. Maybe that makes it easier... Please know that you are not alone. We understand. We know what you mean by "I'm scared to be by myself". We get it. Someone on this forum said to me once that I have managed for years, and am still here. That takes strength. YOU have strength, even if you don't feel it sometimes.

Hospital can be a good thing sometimes..... It's such a private personal thing to decide on isn't it? I encourage you to take some control of your healthcare. YOU are the client and THEY are there to help you. I sense a positive in you - just because you posted, and obviously have before - that shows a desire to reach out, seek support. I hope you feel that too somewhere deep down.

I am not saying things are great, bright. I AM saying that the fact you are writing on here shows a light inside. Maybe you just can't see it quite yet. I hope I am making sense.

Your nickname here is apt. I feel that behind your illness, and that's what this is, there is still a little ball of sunshine, but maybe it's harder to see right now. I'm talking about hope. I truly hope for you that you are okay tonight. I will check in again if you wish to reply.

Thinking of you,

Whim x

Thanks to you too Sunshine.Its hard to accept hospitalisation,put it off twice this year,but know I am getting to the point of no return.In a very big hole and getting darker quicker everyday.Good luck in your situation.

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm so sorry to hear things are feeling so overwhelmingly hopeless right now. Have there been other times you've felt this way and managed to come through the other side?

It sounds like you have a psychologist who is planning ahead for you in case you need the extra support and things don't get better.. Even if you feel as if it won't change anything, do you think it is worth trying?

Thinking of you in this challenging time tonight. Your support of other members on this Forum has been so lovely for me to watch tonight. Even more so now that I know what a difficult time you are going through yourself! You are such a kind person.

All the best @Former-Member

Thanks for support
Going to dentist this afternoon.Went in April and told I needed a tooth on the upper side out,I was supposed to go back within the month due to battling bad with depression and anxiety can't handle it but lived with pain.I am petrified as how it will make me feel,always worried about my presentation, and never had a tooth out.Trying to get a job which I can't get.Not getting tooth out today just going to have examination as I am going to a new dentist because they offer the gas which I think I need because of my distress.Yes I made an agreement with the psychologist to be hospitalized in November if I was still struggling badly.I see no hope,I am worried about myself tonight,because I have put off the dentist since April,had to take a calmative on Friday when I made the appointment.I have been trying to get a job and realise it is hopeless.I may have a job interview this week but am worried that I can handle it and worried the way I am how further rejection will affect me because I know I'm in the "danger. zone".I can empathize with Sunshine.I live with a elderly mother who is oblivious to the state I am in and not capable of understanding,yet expects full attention when she has one of her medical crisis's.When I told my mother the psychologist wanted me to go straight to the hospital on my last visit she had a shock look on her face.Cant discuss with her because she can't handle it or I know she goes and tells family I have had nothing to do with.Plus she is a huge part of why I have a mental illness.There comes a time when you have to be honest with yourself however and put yourself first.I have the strong thought inside my head that I need to go to hospital.If Sunshine has the same thought,for the sake of herself and her family,its probably something she needs to make the partner understand.

Hi @Former-Member,

struggling to keep your happ face on is a full time consious job, it toke me awhile to find a good Psychologist & Psychiatrist, through medicare and with a refferral from my gp i can get to see my Psychiatrist as many times as I need to and i can get 6 visits plus and 4 visit from to see my Psychologist every year. So try thinking about you and wanting to get your health heading in the right direct, I have been seeing my Psychiatrist and Psychologist as often as the see fit and they are always their by phone/mobile/text for if ever i need them. They are part of my support team that i have with me and they are always their with my best interests at heart. I have seen a couple of different Psychologists & Psychiatrists in my years, and i have found the ones who were right for me. Never give up and never give in, you don't need to deal with this by your self. Talk with your doctor about why he wants you to see a new Psychologist and work through things with your doctor.

keep telling your self you owe it to your self to get the best help you can, and keep going til you believe you are getting good help.

Dogman

I went to the dentist.In April I went .The dentist took a x-ray told me he could not fill the tooth.With my severe depression I have been really down.Today I went to another dentist because they offer gas,worried as well that my delay ,putting off extraction I was neglecting other teeth.Turns out I do need a old filling in another replaced.However this dentists thinks the tooth needed extraction might be able to be saved.I m not sure as I am getting jaw pain.The story is like everything else,I put it off,put my trust in a dentist and his x ray in April, and should've got a second opinion.I have been put trust in mental health so called professionals as well.Dogman is right find the help that is right and comfortable for you.The dentist today offered nerve canal work which is expensive but an option.The dentist in April wanted to pull my tooth that day.I have put off seeking treatment thinking that the only option was to extract and end up with a false tooth.

MAKE SURE YOU GET THE BEST TREATMENT.My trust in that dentist's opinion could lose me that tooth.I left a 3 year counselling relationship with a mental health nurse in January which was devastating for me and left me with no help for a few months.It can do irreversible damage if you don't get the right treatment for any condition in life.

Thanks Sunshine just posted on "covering up do you it",.Had a Group interview today,went OK but it's amazing how on the website they state it will be 8hr shifts only to go and be told it's 4hr shifts and I live 30 minutes away.Been OK past few days but I know that can change,still got pain from tooth which I am concerned about.Very angry with the dentists I went to in April who wanted to extract it but it was my birthday that day and caused me a lot of despair with thinking nothing could be and worried if the tooth has enough nerves as the dentist the other day put cold on it which I could hardly feel.Would like a job desperately as I would need root canal work on it which is a fair amount of money but if I lose it I know I will lose my self confidence,hardly got any now.I went for the interview,and that's all I can do.My elderly mother gets me down,I see her failing everyday I could go on carers pension but would like a chance to get back to work.I have been alright past few days,but it usually doesn't last long,and before I know it I am back in my hole of despair.Its amazing how much a person's worth is based on what you do.Had a hair trim before interview,haidresser asked if I'd just finished work?,or were going?or talking to others at interview who had jobs and were looking at a change. Wish my life was that normal,as I have been through many dark times through nothing going right .I don't have any interest in asking these questions to anyone through struggling to keep myself alive and having severe distress.Yeh we do have to cover up to hide our inadequacies.I did the interview that's all you can do.
Thanks for your concern,appreciate it.Hope you are OK .