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Something’s not right

Nothingness

Nothingness

Hi,

I should be a pro at this & managing my mental health but I can’t cope with the extreme highs, lows and the feelings of nothing. Life seems unreal. I used to think I’m a caring and cold person but I can’t feel. And I get angry. I get angry with myself and a world that just categorises everything. There are labels everywhere. I’d just like to not exist. Does that make sense? No more societal, physical or mental restrictions. I just want to be a painting. Thick layers of paint to hide underneath protected from this world. Maybe I should just paint myself white and stand still next to a white wall, they wouldn’t notice me then?

8 replies

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In response to: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

@petrichor

I see you. Once we are alive, I guess the challenge is to keep swimming.

I have felt very invisible, in a sad way, but sometimes I have enjoyed feeling invisible in that I am safe, or could do whatever I liked.

Have you ever done much painting?

In response to: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

You've put it in a very interesting way @petrichor . I've never considering being a painting. I like how you have 'framed' it (excuse the pun).

But on a more serious note, sometimes life just feels that way. The more we try to change things, the more we feel like hiding.And yes, labels are everywhere. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the not so good - depends on how the labels are used.

Hence, it is you who has to be kind to YOU. Who is the first not to get angry? I get angry. I got angry today. I don't like myself for it, but it reminds me I'm human.

In response to: Re: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

I love painting! Sometime I just roll out a canvas and paint with everything I find, garden forks, brooms… roll around in the canvas, I’ve done that 🤣 I don’t think my neighbours liked that.

i don’t want to be invisible @Appleblossom I don’t belong here. I see pattern everywhere and I live patterns but I don’t like them anymore. It doesn’t matter because the world is doomed anyway. Did you look at the moon yesterday?

@tyme I’d like to be a number not a label. I like 756, what number do you like? Numbers are not kind. Angry is good, lots of energy and boom! What’s your favourite number?

In response to: Re: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

I love painting! Sometime I just roll out a canvas and paint with everything I find, garden forks, brooms… roll around in the canvas, I’ve done that 🤣 I don’t think my neighbours liked that.

i don’t want to be invisible @Appleblossom I don’t belong here. I see pattern everywhere and I live patterns but I don’t like them anymore. It doesn’t matter because the world is doomed anyway. Did you look at the moon yesterday?

@tyme I’d like to be a number not a label. I like 756, what number do you like? Numbers are not kind. Angry is good, lots of energy and boom! What’s your favourite number?

i don’t thing there’s anything I want to be in this world. Not even a fish. Do you think the world will end soon?

In response to: Re: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

Do you know why they have categories? They want to know who to keep. I’m not worth keeping. Someone said to me that I’m just selfish and ruin peoples lives. How good is that? I’ve got the power to ruin lives. I hate that I can’t paint.

In response to: Re: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

Not too sure about categories meself @petrichor but yeah the world loves them.

I see patterns too, and they soothe me for some reason.

Its great you are a painter. Dont be too quick to assess it, Even famous painters do that experimental thing. I guess you need enough space for it. I always thought it was about process. The doing of it.

The Being here can be tricky.

I will pop put and look at the moon tonight. Thanks for reminding me. I meant to do a moon challenge but forgot.

In response to: Re: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

Hi @Appleblossom @tyme

How are you?

In response to: Re: Nothingness

Re: Nothingness

@petrichor Not too bad, but it is a big day for son.

Went on a frog census last week and this week, saw a woman crouching in exercise class in same posture ... called out "spotted another frog". They all laughed. What else to do...

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