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Concerns with trusting again

Freedom11Senior Contributor30 Aug 2022, 5:34 pm AEST

Concerns with trusting again

Hey everyone. Just need some advice.

My beautiful 10yr old daughter after nearly a year now wants to make contact with her biological dad. I have always tried to be supportive and remind her that her dad will always be her dad and he would always love her.

She decided to stop talking to him last year cause he wouldn't listen to her and kept treating her like she was a baby.

I am worried if I let her make contact again she is going to get hurt but if I don't let her make contact than she will grow to hate me. There is a 5 yr DVO in order so that makes it more complicated. We recently found out her father is engaged again and my daughter wants to meet this new women.

I just don't know what to do. I've always tried to encourage both my children that they have a voice and they have a right to be heard but I'm scared things could go so wrong and it will hurt my daughter again and take a toll on me mentally just when I feel like my mental health is becoming stable after the last breakdown .

Please help any advice

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In response to: Concerns with trusting again

ChickenmancerCasual Contributor30 Aug 2022, 10:02 pm AEST

Re: Concerns with trusting again

@Freedom11

There isn't any easy way to deal with this, but I feel like you should talk to your daughter openly with your concerns and your feelings about this regard, especially why you feel like she shouldn't talk to her father and your concerns about the toll it could on the both of you. Then see her side of the perspective, see why she wants to see him.

I think she wants to see if he'd changed, or hopes he did, but I don't want to be presumptuous.

This allows her to fully assess and determine if she should continue endeavouring to see her father, and allows her to make an informed decision. Children are usually better at those types of things then they usually get credit for.

My take on this is that if she really still wants to see him, I think you should let her so she feels heard and understood. But tell her that you're willing to put your foot down and if her father continues harming both of you or even makes an attempt to, you'll leave immediately. If you feel like you're not in a right place or mind to see him, you should explain it to your daughter to either postpone seeing him or not see him at all.

Ultimately, her feelings are important, but your boundaries regarding her father are important as well. You should find a compromise.

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