OtisBCasual Contributor
I don't know what to do any more and I need help.
My girlfriend struggles with severe mental illness: she has been diagnosed with autism, BPD,. ADHD, and schizoaffective disorder.
We have been together for eight years, and while there have always been difficulties, over the last year something has changed drastically.
Whereas mental illness used to be something that affected her, I feel like her mental illness is now in the driver's seat. Her toxic BPD thoughts aren't something which she struggles with anymore, they constitute the totality of her worldview and outlook. She no longer has any capacity or will to challenge her negative thoughts and instincts and they control her absolutely.
She talks about suicide constantly. Every day she says, "I should ---- myself," and - defiantly, almost angrily - "I'm going to - myself." She says this hundreds of times every day. I feel like I can no longer reach the sane, right-thinking person beneath the illness, and she is totally subsumed in negativity, self-hatred, and an at times outright psychotic suicidal ideation.
I have no idea what to do anymore. No matter how bad things have got in the past, I have never lost my belief that we could get through anything and that we would ultimately be okay. But at this point, I am almost completely hopeless and increasingly certain that I am stuck watching my best friend die and there is nothing I can do that will make any difference.
Please tell me what I'm supposed to do. Who am I supposed to contact? Does support for people in this position even exist?
