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A tad terrified.

florencefiftySenior Contributor22 Aug 2022, 8:00 pm AEST

A tad terrified.

I went to work today. I ended up replying to my manager's e-mail. I said that I didn't find that part of the criticism to be in any way constructive. She didn't reply, or really mention it. She congratulated me for improving in one of my stats, but otherwise I didn't hear from her at all.

It's so annoying going out to the office to work, because my family makes such a big deal about it. They think it's insane that anyone would choose to go out to the office if they didn't have to. You have an internet connection at home. You're going to go ALL the way there just to work on the same laptop you would at home.

Right, all of my colleagues who were there today have officially lost it. That makes perfect sense. I had someone ask me whether I was coming in, and I said "probably not" and they said "oh, why not, it's great to have people here". Am I going to say "because my Mum thinks it's crazy?" If this is how they react to me going out to work, do you really think they're going to be happy about me going out after dark to see my friends? Now you see part of the reason why I don't have friends. You can't date from home. I mean technically you can, but it's not quite the same.

I get really depressed after work. Because I enjoy my job. I like my colleagues, I get to meet people every day... but then straight after work finishes, I'm just as single as I was. Yes, I should be happy alone. But it's easier said than done. I am getting closer to a place of acceptance. Like it sucks, but that's just how it is. I just wish it was different. I'm not going to pretend I'm thrilled about it. Whenever I see a couple kissing or even just holding arms around each other. I have NO idea what that's like. Do you have any sort of clue how much that hurts?

My bus goes past my old work. In the carpark, I saw a car that looks exactly like that of the girl I loved. Parked in the same area. I'm terrified of running into her. I don't know why. Like I actually start to freak out when I'm in town, because I know she works there. Whenever I see a car of the same make and model, my heart rate spikes. I don't know why. I've seen that make and model before but this time I'm PRETTY sure it was her. I wonder how she's doing right now.

Probably a whole lot better than I am.

I have a little crush on someone from work, as I've mentioned. This just sums up where my head is. I thought I saw her this morning, literally five metres from me, but I didn't go over to say hello. I thought I would embarrass myself. It turns out it wasn't her after all. How do you go from being scared to say hello to someone, to dating multiple people, let alone having friends or a healthy relationship?

The extent of the problems I have are actually a little ridiculous. There's no hope.

2 replies

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In response to: A tad terrified.

Unknown userMember22 Aug 2022, 10:02 pm AEST

Re: A tad terrified.

Hey @florencefifty, thank you for sharing this with us ❤️

Firstly, it sounds like when you feel pressured from your family to work from home and this is making you isolated from your colleagues. And this makes you feel depressed? Is that right? And you feel they would also be upset (or they have already been upset) at you spending any additional time away from work, for example, if you were dating.

I'm so sorry that there is such a big weight on you ❤️ It sounds like you get so much value from going to work and that you're wanting to find a way to meet some new people.

What was it like to stand up to your family when you started going back to the office? How did you advocate for yourself then? Maybe there are some lessons from that.

I can hear that it's been painful for you not to pursue relationships or people before, and that you want to change that. I really relate to these feelings of just wanting to connect with other humans, but feeling like it isn't possible. It sounds like you're feeling nervous about trying to build some relationships because it's a bit new? Is that right?

They might not work for you, but I thought I'd share some things which worked for me

Realising that not everything will work out, but it's not because I'm not a worthy person or I did something wrong. It's because me and that person weren't a good fit
I started out small like being on dating apps to get used to some conversations, even if they go nowhere

I also wonder if you have anyone that you can talk to about what you're feeling? I'm wondering if your GP could write a mental health care plan for you or you could call the SANE drop-in counselling line? the number is 1800 187 263

Have a wonderful evening, and let me know if any of this was useful for you ❤️

TuxedoCat

In response to: A tad terrified.

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor23 Aug 2022, 12:57 pm AEST

Re: A tad terrified.

HI @florencefifty,

I just finished reading your post. As a parent of adult children I'm wondering why you parents appear (from what you have written) to discourage you from going out if they don't consider it necessary? It's curious to me why they don't appear to want you to go out (even if it is just to work) if not at least so you can socialise with others?

As a mum I do understand why a parent worries about their children (even an adult child) because you always want to protect your child and know they are safe. Having said that I know that my adult children need to find their way in the world on their own - my job is to be there to support them in the background if they need me.

I have a friend who has adult children and she really discourages them from going anywhere outside of uni and/or work. My concern for them is that whilst they may be academically/professionally ready for the world they are not socially ready due to their mum's over-concern for them.

I get the impression from what you have written that you are at a bit of a crossroads with your parents in terms of growing into the person you want to be. Could you talk to your parents about this? For example, explain to them that part of the reason you want to go to work instead of working from home is because you enjoy the social interaction.

I really do wish you all the best.

FloatingFeather

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