Losing it and everything...

Hey @Historylover, I'm glad to hear your safe for now, but I'm so sorry to hear what your going through. It sounds like there are professional sin your life who just haven't been able to support you in a meaningful way. I'm glad to hear that the forums have been such a source of support for you, I know your support of others has an enormous impact on their lives. You've a very special part of this community ❤️

I thought I might also link you to some peer-led suicide prevention resources, just in case some more peer-based options feel useful for you

• Peer support Suicide Prevention Resources.
• Appleblossoms beautiful post Alternative Approaches in Australia
• Victorian Wellbeing Hubs which have peers there

Sitting with you,

TuxedoCat

Here with you @Historylover you are heard and valued. Please keep checking in with us. Sending you strength 💝

Hi @Historylover . Sorry to hear your still feeling low. ☹️🤗

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@Historylover wrote:

They actually think I think they know what they are doing. Pardon my mirth. (But good luck to you if you've found it otherwise)

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This bit really resonated with me. I've been thinking a lot recently about the proportions of good therapists to bad ones out there. The other day, I stumbled (not for the first time) upon this video: https://www.livedexperienceaustralia.com.au/psychology-report in which they report that near enough 70% of patients are quite happy with the care they recieve from therapists.

I cannot relate to that number at all. And I can't help but feel lost trying to draw conclusions from it.

Are people like you and I really so exceptional, in terms of our horrible experiances dealing with therapists? Is the industry really as flooded with quality therapists as those numbers might suggest? I can't help but feel disconnected from the rest of the patient community - and society at large - when I look at numbers like that.

And then I struggle to reconcile those numbers with the multitude of people like yourself who I encounter online; people who's experiances closely mirror my own, in terms of suffering through one or more terrible therapists. I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with the research process that produced those numbers - or if I am merely clouded by my own prejudices and refusing to see the true, goodly state of the world. Confusion abounds.

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@Historylover wrote:

I don't want to die but this isn't living. I don't know if I can continue with studying although I probably will. I've always wanted it, but it has to augment life not replace it. And how my work is appraised is conditional on how they want to play this game–undermine me or keep me going for their own purposes.

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This took me back to my school days, which I frequently reflect upon, looking vainly for answers that never come. "Where did I go wrong?"-sort of stuff.

It's all just a charade, isn't it? Saying what teacher wants to hear, in order to get the gold star. Playing a role to impress others. I certainly don't miss that side of the old school game.

But then, that's life as a whole, isn't it? It's the same with trying to get anywhere career-wise, and IME, it was always the same in social encounters. Always trying to nut out precisely what it is others want from you, so you can take on that role. I was never so perceptive to be able to figure that out.

And I guess I was never that invested, either. Always hoping and dreaming for the world without the charade; the world where I could just be myself and be surrounded by people just like me, so that we could all connect and collaborate earnestly, instead of just being united solely by the fact that we're all pretending to be someone we don't really understand or respect, solely for the sake of preserving a conformity that we don't really want anything to do with. Too busy, in other words, daydreaming of something better to properly commit to the fictional role that was expected of me. That's probably why I failed.

Sorry. I guess I've gone off on a bit of a sidetrack, there.

I just wanted to say that I think I get your grievances with study.

Hope you feel better. 🙂🤗

Always good to hear from you @chibam.

People who make these surveys get biased feedback, in my totally unbiased opinion. They are trying to convince people that all is well within the 'profession' when it clearly isn't (all to the sound of sweet, reassuring music🤔!) Most people think that if someone listens, it is helping...and it is, but so does just plain talking to any listener. The objective is that they are supposed to get better, completely better–not just years and years of lining their therapist's pockets. They just get into a routine and stay with it. I know I did.

These people are just getting onto a never ending processing line, and they lack the insight/education to understand if their 'professional' really knows what he or she is doing. My observation and experience has found that these 'professionals' either go into the field to see if others and their families are as screwed up as they are, or they are as predatory as mine was–a wolf in sheep's clothing. I think he filled both descriptions. No wonder he said very little and encouraged me to do all the talking, allowing him to completely invade my privacy and so much more, and never expose who he really was. You once mentioned about narcissism being rife in these 'helping' occupations. I have also found it so. We are all so trusting–until we get burned.

No, our opinions are not unusual. They are realistic and well-considered, and I would say rife. (Otherwise, where have all the previous critics gone?) But good luck to those who found it otherwise, as I said.

(My psychology studies only reinforced my understanding of what is being practised on the public. I know what is being taught and it concerns me greatly!).

I hope you're doing alright, @chibam.

Thank you for your reply, @Former-Member. I truly don't know which way to turn. It is always so helpful to get responses from those here. You are all my greatest allies, but great allies are supposed to be with us in real life too! They never have been for me. I'm not doing anything wrong, just the same as I do here, but people just take me 'for a ride'. I'm a good and honest person, a hard worker and a fine friend, but just can't get this 'scapegoat' tag off me. I don't project it in anticipation. It must be written all over me. Solitude is my sanctuary, and that just makes me so sad, and so disgusted with so much of human nature.

All for now.

@Historylover Hey Bella

Sorry things are so low. I certainly do not want to live a charade, and actually told a friend today that the cost for me re-engaging ... is that I will not compromise myself ... for love or money ... living a charade is no way to live. Wishing the best in finding your path.

Also quoting @chibam again as I find a lot of value in his posts, but he is not sure about me ... and keeps a distance ... which is fine ...

" people like you and I really so exceptional, in terms of our horrible experiances dealing with therapists? Is the industry really as flooded with quality therapists as those numbers might suggest? I can't help but feel disconnected from the rest of the patient community - and society at large - when I look at numbers like that."

No I do not think the feedback forms ... mean that most people are happy ... I have stopped filling them in ... but it is a good marketing ploy ... not even a possibility for a money prize will tempt me. Working on other ways to give quality feedback ...

Sorry to be cynical.

Take Care both

Apple

oh @chibam and @Historylover I can totally relate to some of these feelings and experiences! Thank you for sharing, and I want to acknowledge that it's not fair that this stuff still happens and that it happened to you 🙁

I'm wondering if you two could help anyone reading this post at home learn from your own experiences? Are there any tips you have for someone looking for supports for the first time? Or are there other things you've found helpful? It can be a real jungle out there, but maybe we can help some others have a different experience?

I know for me, it took years of trying people out for a few sessions, only for them to "stick their foot" in it and made me feel so misunderstood and not seen. And it can feel like a betrayal after pouring our hearts out. But for anyone reading at home, I found someone who I love (eventually). And that was in a city and just over the last decade. I think what's helped most was being able to connect with others who have similar experiences.

Cynical is fine, @Appleblossom, and thank you for your reply. It is always good to hear from you and the gang here. It is truly heartwarming.

I am cautious who I engage with these days, in the real world. But just never cautious enough, it seems. I hold so many opinions which are different to others' that is is mostly best to say little.

I haven't seen a lot from @Bunniekins or @Shaz51 lately. Just sending out one of @Appleblossom's cooees to you both. I hope all is well.

Hi there @Historylover

Sorry to hear you are feeling like you're losing it and everything...

Just wanted to say that I read your posts and I hear you.

I'm sitting with you during this difficult time.

Take care,

RedHorse 🌹🐴

@Former-Member, unfortunately I can't answer that request honestly, so it is better that I don't answer at all. My wounds are still weeping.

Take care, @Former-Member. Sending best wishes.