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Partner of someone with bpd

MyleshContributor22 Aug 2022, 12:53 pm AEST

Partner of someone with bpd

Hello everyone my name is mylesh I am 26 and my partner has bpd, a quick back story I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years, it has been a challenge learning about her triggers and handling them when they would arise. we moved out on our own for a year but we were finding it difficult to save. plus I also found it difficult to be the only support in the household and I noticed also that my partner was in more of a heightened state because she was away from her father. We decided to move back to her fathers house for a safer environment but unfortunately her fathers partner was not to keen on us moving back and it ended up causing a divide between her father and her fathers partner, which ultimately ended in her father asking us to leave by the end of September. My partners feelings of abandonment have really taken a hold now as she was abandoned at the age of 14 by her mother, now here father being her only family member that is in contact with her has asked us to leave so his partner and her family can move into his home, I’m worried about our future and if I have the strength to help her get through this hard time, I’m worried that if I cannot be strong for her in this moment the possibility of us as a couple will be abit more grim, has anyone else been in a similar situation? I’m a little bit lost at the moment and it would be cool if someone could share their experience and what helped them stay strong in tough times, cheers mylesh

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In response to: Partner of someone with bpd

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor23 Aug 2022, 10:42 am AEST

Re: Partner of someone with bpd

I relate to what you are talking about @Mylesh. My family member who has bipolar also has social phobia. I think this was brought on over the years through people rejecting him for various reasons (e.g. he used to overshare when he first met someone and it could scare people off). I feel for your partner because I can see it through her lense of feeling rejected, which may further compound her pain.

I can also relate to what you say about being a `support pillar'. In my family I am considered the "backbone" of the family in terms of support and being there for others. I appreciate their faith in me but sometimes I want to pass the `baton' to someone else because I am worn out and need a break. What this has taught me over the years is to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. If you don't say no and stand up for you nobody else will.

You are going through a really heavy situation at the moment with your partner - self harm and talks about suicide around someone you really care about would be very taxing on you and whilst I'm sure you are doing everything to support and help your partner I would really encourage you to remember yourself in all this too. Could you speak to your GP and get a referral to a counsellor? I think having private sessions with a counsellor would allow you to speak more freely then when you are talking with the your family therapist as I would imagine you would edit yourself with what you say so you didn't upset your partner.

Sitting with you,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Partner of someone with bpd

tired_sisyphusSenior Contributor24 Aug 2022, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: Partner of someone with bpd

Hey @Mylesh, I absolutely hear you. I've been with a loved one with similar struggles since around your current age (that's about 20 years ago now). Abandonment issues, traumatic responses, etc.

What you described there is absolutely abandonment over again. Totally rough. But don't doubt your strength. You obviously care for her a lot and will draw something from that.

All the best.

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