Self care

Hi @granny9,

I really feel for you and totally understand how you feel. I have two family members with serious mental health issues and my father had dementia for six years (sadly he passed last year) so I know what it is like to not feel like you can burden your family for support. I also know what it's like to feel like you have to be the backbone of the family.

I would really encourage you not to feel guilty about self-care. What I have realised over the years is that self-care is not selfish; in fact it's vital. I really love the analogy of the oxygen mask in a plane and how you should put it on yourself first and then help others if you can.

What I find from allowing myself self-care is that I am actually better able to take care of others because I have prioritised my own wellbeing. I'd really encourage you to keep talking to your friends, speak to your GP and keep connecting with others that understand how you feel (like the our carers forums).

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

Thanks @Mylesh

I am trying my best. It is all very interwoven. I feel I have anxiety myself and can’t sleep. I wake up many times per night. I went to the doctor today and he gave me some anti depressants which help with anxiety and insomnia and I have been speaking to a councillor so am being proactive. I will soldier on.

Thank you @FloatingFeather

I am sorry for your loss. My parents are also elderly and my siblings and I are trying to work out what to do about them. They live in a small country town with very little facilities but won’t move back to the city. It all lust keeps piling up. I will keep trying until something helps.

Hey @granny9,

It sounds like you have a lot going on and you care for a lot of people but you deserve care too. You can't pour from an empty cup as they say.

I would encourage you to have a little read of this thread Self-Care for Carers and you can check in with us daily here 💝

Making just a little bit of time for yourself each day is a good place to start. Have you ever tried daily affirmations? They help me.

Tagging some our wonderful carers who get it @Shaz51 @Anastasia @Determined @outlander

Take care

I totally relate to this and, you’re absolutely right, it’s not possible to “stop thinking about these things.” These are our families - people we love, who mean so much to us, who lives and well-being are inextricably intertwined with ours.

I’ve had several suicide attempts and other near-fatal MH & alcohol issues in my family and, tbh, I think it has left me with so much trauma that I am constantly on edge awaiting bad news or trying to plan how to fix things or avoid bad things happening. It can be so hard to get out of this headspace and to find some peace when you’re always anticipating and worried about what can happen 😞

that said, while I live with this trauma and anxiety and a big care load - I do find the time I need to look after myself. Yes I’m not great at it and yes I feel the constant pull towards others and guilt of turning my attention to myself.

my biggest self care is my dog. Yes having a dog when so much is going on is a gamble! But the reward is epic. Firstly, animals are therapy and that’s that. Secondly, I am oriented towards care and looking after being because that’s so ingrained in me and looking after my dog allows me to look after something without too much stress (because let’s face it, lower stakes and responsibility than people). And thirdly, because I often have a lot of energy to burn (thanks to anxiety!) walking the dog gives me a “doing” activity which allows me me-time, head clearing time and my personal fave - pacing time! 🙂 that’s my guilt-free self-care and it’s working for me 🙂

Hi @granny9 welcome to the forum. I have found Carer Gateway 1800422737 to be a wonderfully supportive service where you will receive 6 or so free telephone counselling sessions. They offer really sound advice and give you the opportunity to simply just talk about your concerns. I’ve found it invaluable. Good luck and best wishes x