Safe but really struggling…

@Helpmeheal, you have to take time out to heal, to find out what you want out of life, what you would like to achieve, to be independent. Do you have hobbies, studies you would like to do, interests you would like to pursue, friends, family, garden...

I'm trying all such things myself. It's not easy, but it's a path forward and you have to find your own, I'm just saying all are an option if they interest you. YouTube is a fount of knowledge and interests. I'm sure there are others. Don't waste your time or your precious life. Find happiness for yourself to replace your pain. Just take it slowly and don't go off in all different directions, or waste money.

Just writing in the absence of others who must all be occupied at the moment. They'll be sure to be along soon.

I hope you have the best possible weekend, @Helpmeheal. Sending warm hugs and best wishes. Take care.

Thankyou @Historylover . A friend of mine noticed I was struggling and made me go for a long walk with her, which has helped a little. For me, the bad feelings come in waves. It feels so overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your insights. I know you speak from experience. Here’s hoping better times are coming for us all.

Well done on the walk, @Helpmeheal. I struggle daily, and in waves, too. Sometimes more than others and, at the time, it seems it won't go away. It's a pain, isn't it? I'm so pleased you have a friend to take a walk with. Walking can lift us up–and keep us in good health at the same time.

Yay to better times ahead. Take care, and continue to post on the forum every time you need to reach out. I do. It can really help.

@Historylover Thank you… I am fortunate to live with a friend who is supporting me a lot by getting me to walk, it does help, even though I just want to lie in the dark. This forum has been a godsend these past few days. For me, it is more comforting than the hotlines and stuff… just being with people who understand how tough it is. It helps me. Hopefully I can help them feel less alone too.

Those waves of painful emotions… they are so full on. I try to remember that in between the waves, it’s not so overwhelmingly horrible - still tough, but not unbearable. In the middle of it, it really does feel like it will never end. It’s a marathon. Right now, I feel a bit calmer. Exhausted. But at the moment, not suicidal. Which is such a relief that it is making me cry. Ahhh. Thank you for letting me tell you how I feel, history lover. Hopefully I can be there for you if you need it too.

I like this little thing called the "Hero's Journey". It's the foundation of the 12 step program and also creative writing guide, because it's based in ancient fable traditions.

I kind of use it like this:

-To "answer a call" find a good "mentor".

-If you're facing "tests" than look for "allies" (also facing the same/similar tests.)

-If you're in the "cave", facing an "ordeal", somewhere, there's a sword (or something (i.e there's something that represents both the way back and the reason you adventured in the first place.))

It's a bit "main character syndrome", but I think that can be okay if the main character you're playing also take the time to play supporting roles. And, it's infinitely versatile. Climbing a mountain. Making a piece of toast. Climbing a piece of toast. All different hero journeys.

@wellwellwellnezthat is a really interesting concept. I am going to have a good look and a think about it. It is so good to find things that support a bit of recovery.

@wellwellwellnez @Wow. That is a really powerful concept. I think I am at the stage of finding mentors. You all in this forum are some of my mentors. People who get it. I really like that. I am crossing the threshold and my enemies are all the horrible things in my mind. I think the inmost cave is when it gets super dark, those really dark times struggling. I really like this concept. Thank you! Looking forward to “reward, seizing the sword.”

So pleased to hear you live with a friend, @Helpmeheal.

The forum has been a godsend to me too. I couldn't have got this far without the wonderful people on this forum. They have lifted me out of some very dark times, and amazingly, it doesn't take much–just knowing there are people out there who actually, genuinely care makes all the difference.

For me, the hotlines are a disaster. (I haven't tried Sane's). It's like talking to a brick. Their regimented, copy-and-paste responses, the 'caring' voice...Aargh! They should take courses in genuine compassion and if they can't manage it, they should find another way to spend their time. People's lives are priceless, and pain can be overwhelming and, at the time, seem never ending.

Have the best Sunday you can, @Helpmeheal . Take care.