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how many chances do you give your depression?

howtoendNew Contributor09 Aug 2022, 9:18 am AEST

how many chances do you give your depression?

I've been depressed probably my whole life. I also have severe anxiety and cant go out by myself without having a panic attack. I'm also late diagnosed autistic and finding the world impossible to navigate, the current world is not made for autistic people, we do not belong here. Its only the last 5 years I've been getting any help... but also thats 5 long years and it seems all that help never makes me better. At most I will feel hopeful for 2 weeks and then fall back into deep depression. I also get suicidal thoughts and ideation often. This new suicidal episode is not like any others, I am not manic, I dont feel I need to do it right now. This scares me even more. I feel like because I am rational I'll find a good way to end my life and it will be final. I dont want to die, I dont want to hurt my mum. My dad committed suicide, I know how it feels to be left. However my quality of life is only decreasing, any chances for a normal or happy life are gone. I'm a burden to my mum, she is the only one who even talks to me or cares at all. But everytime she tries to help, she makes things worse and all I can see when I look at her is all the abuse she gave me as a child. The hospital dont believe me and won't help. Help is nowhere on the horrizon and my depression is eating me away. I think I'm going to let it win.

3 replies

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In response to: how many chances do you give your depression?

pamplemousseSenior Contributor09 Aug 2022, 9:26 am AEST

Re: how many chances do you give your depression?

hiya @howtoend it sounds like the past few years have been incredibly difficult and you're in a really painful place right now. I want to let you know that you're support here. I've sent you an email, if you could check that, that would be great.

In response to: how many chances do you give your depression?

HistoryloverSenior Contributor09 Aug 2022, 2:06 pm AEST

Re: how many chances do you give your depression?

Hello @howtoend. I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much. I'm in a similar situation. I wish I could advise you, but I just wanted to let you know that you've been heard. I was sorry to read that your father committed suicide. That must have been traumatizing for you all. Life can be cruel, can't it?

I can only send you my best wishes and hope you'll find a better way forward. I send you my best wishes.

In response to: how many chances do you give your depression?

NatureLoverSenior Contributor10 Aug 2022, 7:13 am AEST

Re: how many chances do you give your depression?

Hi and welcome, @howtoend , it's good you've joined.

I'm sorry you've had such a struggle with depression your whole life 😞

I'm also sorry to hear you had childhood abuse from your mother. :

@howtoend wrote:
Help is nowhere on the horrizon and my depression is eating me away.

Can I ask what professional help you have? Like a psychologist, counsellor, meds or psychiatrist? (We are not allowed to mention specific meds, it was just a general question)

The reason i ask is that I had childhood (actually lifelong) abuse from my father, and through years of therapy with a psychologist I got a lot of healing, and the depression eased enough for me to move on with my life and be happy (for the last 13 years anyway). I still get depression in winter (Seasonal Affective Disorder) but it's not severe with suicidal ideation like I had all my life.

I only mention that in the hope of giving you some encouragement that your depression can ease.

@howtoend wrote:
I also have severe anxiety and cant go out by myself without having a panic attack.

I also have agoraphobia which makes it hard to leave the house sometimes, but I can leave and do all I need to thankfully, as long as I don't go too far from home or stay out all day. But I can empathise.

A handy forum tip is to type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box...that way that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

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