Thanks @PeppiPatty
Two mornings after we brought our adopted son home I told my husband there was something wrong with the baby and I wanted to take him back - and now - nearly 47 years later I know I was not doing anything wrong with that - we return faulty purchases - and this child was clearly damaged - but he didn't let me take the baby back so I committed to him - and for me that commitment grew stronger
Of course when my biological child was born prematurely and with an immature liver and failed to thrive I had not intention of giving up on her - she had been born to us -
Regardless of the right or wrong - I found I started to love this damage adopted infant and now I know so much more I know he had MI - which ones - quite probably Foetal Alcohol Sydnrome and Borderline Personality Disorder and if I had taken this child back - I shudder to think what would have happened
So yes - so many years ago I stood at that place where we all stand at some time - asking that question "Where do I go from here?" and it was a one day at a time and roller-coaster and despair and among it some joyful moments - some rare but glorious moments - that this child could have been anything - but was brain damaged and he and I suffered the worst kind of ostracism - mostly from my family
How does one deal with the bigotry and prejudice of their own parents and siblings? It goes without saying that it was bad enough that one of us suffered - but both of us did - and this makes me ask those same questions @PeppiPatty
We become caught in a "damned if you do and damned in you don't" scenario - and my mother's contradictory comments were worse that confusing - if there had not already been tension between us there was now - and until the end of her life I never knew what she wanted - and that word "complex" became apparent in many of it's meanings - life was complex, it seemed I had a complex, for a long time no one thought the child had a complex, I am sure my mother had a complex.
How does one handle such a situation?
One thing was the increasing aboriginal appearance of my son - and clearly this was something my family did not like - and it explained a lot to me and now I am rather pleased with this - I found it interesting - and know that had my son not had some kind of MI he could have been anything he chose to be - for his own people - but my family cringed - they could see his colour but never accepted his race - and this has left me with the feelings that closed minds do not help the problem - they make the problem more complex
And alas - we cannot win our side of the argument in these situations - and I reached a stage early when I no longer tried to argue - but stood alone - the most important people to have helped did not - including the adoptive father - who gave up very quickly on the child he wanted so badly
So - if this helps @PeppiPatty - I am glad - in reality I think most people have some kind of mental or emotional disorder - just as most people have some kind of physical imperfection - there are people with both and I guess it might be true that there are people with none - but give them time
But the stigma - why the stigma? - This is society- this is the people at their worst - their fear about the different - witches - demons - whatever they didn't like -
I will leave it at this point without becoming confused myself about what I am writing - life with an MI can and must be very lonely - and so much of this springs from prejudice in the minds of people who think themselves to be perfect - and it has been hard through these years having my own family so unfeeling and unyielding
Decadian
