Struggling: TW suicide

There is certainly a science behind breathing @creative_writer ! I use the Smiling Mind app, and through it, I had a revelation/realisation/awakening, that the breath is something you always have with you - it is powerful and is so convenient to access at any time - if only we know HOW to access it effectively.

My psychologist went through the science behind breathing, and from there on, I continually in awe of its strength.

Keep at it @creative_writer !

@creative_writer I wasn't able to come online yesterday, but hope that today is better for you...

I really like that point you have made @creative_writer - you don't want someone to 'fix' you but to help you heal.

What you posted really resonated with me because I grew up being taught to be independent. We didn't show our emotions outwardly as I was taught our emotions were ours and our issue. Also, I never had the role model of parents who showed any emotion. They just didn't. They never cried, never argued, never hugged... but that was the 'normal' for me.

I just things turned when I realised that this isn't normal - that showing emotions doesn't mean you have 'lost control'. It was a long journey for me to finally accept that there's a better kind of 'normal'.

So yes, my emotions often turned inward and became harmful.

Writing on these forums gave me space to heal. Gave me a safe space to share what was happening for me. It taught to that it's okay to share.

As a regular member on the forums, just like you @creative_writer , I found the power of connecting with people who understood.

That's why I'm here today.

tyme

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@tyme wrote:

I just things turned when I realised that this isn't normal - that showing emotions doesn't mean you have 'lost control'. It was a long journey for me to finally accept that there's a better kind of 'normal'.

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@tyme What a powerful post you wrote above. All of it. Thank you.

Sorry you feel lonely @creative_writer 😞

And I feel sad that your parents effectively limited you from finding emotional support where most people find it - from their friends 😞

We are here for you 💙

(I am generally only around in the early morning, and I'll explain why...When I joined the forums in 2020 I was spending 4-5 hours a day on here...and I burnt out. So now my psychologist has set me a limit of 3.5 hours a week on the forums, in the morning only so I don't keep ducking back on here throughout the day. So when you post, during the day or evening, I probably won't be here, but I will be here to support you the next morning. It does mean I miss people's crises, which seem to happen at night...but it is what it is...I can only do what I can do. I also get depressed in the evenings, which means I withdraw...Just wanted to explain.)

I am also sending wishes for you...

@NatureLoverthat’s completely understandable ❤️. Evenings can be tough for many people.

A part of me wants to withdraw from all of my professional and emotional supports from close friends. I just had a difficult conversation yesterday with my mum. I told her I got recommended more supports. And I was advised to be careful with what I say around them, so I don’t give them the impression my suicidal thoughts are worse than they actually are. Which isn’t much of an issue anyways, I am safe and I’m not sure how I can come off as more unsafe than I am. And she said that more people will have authority over me if more people get involved.

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@creative_writer wrote:

A part of me wants to withdraw from all of my professional and emotional supports from close friends. I just had a difficult conversation yesterday with my mum. I told her I got recommended more supports.

...

And she said that more people will have authority over me if more people get involved.

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@creative_writer I think the recommended strategy is to have more supports, not less. That way if one is unavailable, hopefully another will be there when we need it. Not every support will be able to be there for us all the time.

So a mixture of friends and professional supports is a good idea. And it strikes me that this forum is both 🙂 (although not a crisis support obviously).

And regarding what you wrote below:

"I think I understand what’s going on for me right now, my trust issues have become more activated. Like do people really care about me? What’s the chance of me getting hurt in the process? I’ve been in a harmful therapy setting before. Like is it right for me to feel safe around people?"

I don't see a way out of our deep problems and complex MIs (mental illnesses) without trusting others. Like friends and therapists. Yes it's a risk, and not every therapist is going to work out well for us if we don't click with them. But speaking from experience, I've found that trusting others to help me has worked, and I've got some healing from my childhood trauma and abuse, constant SI (suicidal ideation) and help for my 6 MIs through therapy. More trust grows and you feel safer as you trust in little stages.

Don't know if that's helpful...