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Something’s not right

Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Aug 2022, 3:29 pm AEST

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor27 Jan 2023, 6:39 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I feel so depressed 😫. The pain won’t stop.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator27 Jan 2023, 6:46 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Is feeling depressed 'wrong' @creative_writer ?

I'm sorry it is so painful right now. Is it about the past?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor27 Jan 2023, 6:53 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme it’s a combination of things, I haven’t had a good nights sleep for a very long time so I am always so exhausted and sleepy. I get migraine pain fluctuations. I am also ruminating over the past a lot. I feel like if I am in a non-depressed mood it’s easier to get on with the day and the past doesn’t bother me as much, but once I become low, I get lower after rumination.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator27 Jan 2023, 7:04 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Makes a lot of sense @creative_writer - rumination does bring a sense of depression and sadness. Do you think you can schedule in tasks/events etc in the day to break the monotony and get you out?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor27 Jan 2023, 7:11 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I suppose I can start doing uni prep stuff. Semester starts mid Feb. I just wish it was easier to concentrate on things, I guess it takes time. My mind has been running wild and I tend to crawl back into bed a lot during the day. I guess the fatigue, physical pain, sleepiness and brain fog doesn’t help. It won’t get rid of the depression since depression has a mind of its own, it’ll leave whenever it wants to leave but help with the rumination that worsens the depressive state.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator27 Jan 2023, 8:02 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

True. .. sometimes crawling back into bed just seems so much easier!

@creative_writer

As for uni, maybe preparing will break the monotony a bit? Have a go even tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor27 Jan 2023, 8:21 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme maybe small chunks might be more doable. Like it’s probably not wise to study a lot if my body doesn’t feel up to it. The next day I’m more likely to be in bed recovering.

I think right now I am trying to figure out what I need to do. I feel like I had something taken away from me because SA and there is no way to get it back. So it leaves me feeling not whole. How does one feel whole again?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor28 Jan 2023, 7:23 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

My migraine is worse again and my heart is crying. I know my depression is just reinforcing rumination, but I can’t stop. I can’t get back what was taken 😫. I was starting to feel better, don’t know what happened.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

JynxModerator28 Jan 2023, 7:35 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@creative_writer sounds pretty rough. Any basic needs you could attend to, like water, food, shower, sleep?

Sometimes we can get pulled back under, and it feels so awful... but it doesn't mean 'better' is gone. You may just have to ride this wave, and remember you got to better before, you can do it again 💜

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor28 Jan 2023, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Jynx

Tw: SA
I’ve had water and dinner. Still feel like shit. Maybe I need rest. My heart is just breaking. I’ve had rough moments since my last psych appointment. I was already depressed and now more emotions have surfaced. Why did my past sexual experiences have to be so traumatic? I’ve had zero good experiences and I don’t know how I’ll ever be comfortable. I feel like I’ve lost something. It’s been eating up my head all day.

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.