BPD - my daughter needs help, i cant find it

Hi there @ThatRedHeadChik

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for reaching out and sharing the story of your daughter. It must be so difficult when you know that she needs more than what the service she has seen are offering.

I'll put a couple of links here that take you to organisations that have resources about BPD. See here and here.

I'll also tag @BPDSurvivor who may have some pearls of wisdom to offer you.

Hope you find care and support here on the forums

Warm wishes

Hanami

@ThatRedHeadChik

My suggestion is to go to your gp to discuss situation and ask for the mental health care plan. If the other clinic is prepared to take her on, and your daughter does not need plan, it could be good to support you in your carer role. They can be flexible, be upfront with gp.

Living with that fear is horrible. I have experienced it a lot.

There is help out there. Just have to keep looking and trying. There are benefits for managing one's own mental health, but it takes motivation, which she seems not to be in that place, at the moment. With a BPD diagnosis it is probable they will take her on, and her outlook may improve.

Take Care of you too

Thank you. My daughter thinks she is beyond help and nothing will ep her now. She hasn't even acknowledged that she was just diagnosed with BPD, she wouldn't have a clue what it is. She has told me lately all she feels is anger and rage, and she said she wishes someone could just rewire her brain because it's just constantly going and going and it won't stop, when I asked her what goes on in her brain she said I don't even know anymore. But I don't know it's getting worse because you can't even hold a proper conversation with her, it's like she is ignoring you and just not there, she said it's because of all the stuff that's going on inside her head. She also has a very bad drug addiction and takes prescription pills. She moved out for awhile and wanted to move back home again. I said asking as she follows the rules, and gets professional help then she can, but she wouldn't. So I tried the tuff love approach and wouldn't let her come home, stopped giving her money, she was sleeping from couch to couch, then a few weeks ago I said she could come home, and although she is going to her appointments, it's me that has to make them,and remind her, and I can't get her to follow a basic routine and basic house rules. I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed, it feels like it's all to much

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing all of this @ThatRedHeadChik no wonder you are exhausted and overwhelmed. What supports do you have for yourself?

If you would like to speak to a counsellor you are welcome to call the SANE helpline 10am-10pm and they may be able to help you gather your thoughts. It's a lot to process and it's understandable you just want what's best for your child. You don't have to go through this alone and I would agree that getting yourself a MH plan might be a good place to start. Carer gateway may also have some useful resources for you.

I feel your distress. Wishing you all the best 💝

@ThatRedHeadChik Maybe just getting to appointments with your help is all she can manage at the moment. I cannot insist on much with my son. I have made one "rule" that we interact a little each day, even as small as a hi/bye. If I dont see him in 24 hours I will knock on his door. Sometimes its great and I get a hug.

Yes I am often yoyoing, on the tuff love, am I too soft, or should I expect more... ??? Then I can whip myself for lack of consistency. I have found support from carers point of view essential. It is important not to get locked into oppositional dynamic if possible. I hope your daughter's clinic gets on top of her substance abuse issues and works thru meds interactions with her.

Warm Regards

Apple

Thank you. My daughter seems to go out late at night, she says she will be home in a few hours and she's gone for 4 days, then comes home and sleeps a full day. It's almost like she can't stand to be alone

Hi @ThatRedHeadChik,

I am really sorry to read that you and your daughter are going through such a hard time. Watching someone you love go through mental illness can be heartbreaking - I know as a close family member of mine has bipolar (diagnosed 20 years ago) and I am his only support carer. When my family member started showing signs of confusing behaviour we didn't understand what was going on - his behaviour was erratic and frightening at times. Whilst it was very difficult for him and our family getting a diagnosis was good in the sense that at least he/we than had an explanation for what was happening. Along with his psychiatrist, a mental health plan was established and a strong professional team was founded. Eventually they found the right medication to help him and identified some really good coping strategies. My experience with my family member was that it did take some time to get the right diagnosis, medication, help and plan underway but when they did it really did helped. Twenty years on and he still has a good support plan in place and for the most part is stable. Here is a link to some information on BPD that may help https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/bpd.

I would also really encourage you to get some help for yourself. Being a carer of someone can be a lonely and difficult thing. I remember my family member's psychiatrist asking me what I was doing to take care of myself - I was surprised that he asked me this at the time. I was so busy and concerned about taking care of my family member that I didn't even think that I needed help too. In hindsight I was really burnout and emotionally depleted. Do you have a GP, family or friends that you can talk with and feel safe?

I wish you and your daughter all the best - I know it's not an easy road to travel but from my experience there is a lot of support and hope.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

I’m sorry to hear about what is happening for you and the lack of support you feel you are receiving. @ThatRedHeadChik . I have BPD and it can be so challenging to work with - let alone to live with!

For me, the self-harm was brought about by the lack of self-identity. My inability to regulate emotions meant I went to extremes when I was upset.

My treatment started with medication for the depression, moods and insomnia, but the main work was through talking to a psychologist and group therapy. It took years for a change to occur.

If you don’t mind me asking, which state do you live in? That will help me direct resources to you.

You can start here: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/resources-and-support/for-carers

Spectrum offers online sessions for carers. They are free of charge. Spectrum is a BPD specialist in Victoria.

And yes, I’d certainly go get the mental health care plan. Then start looking for a psychologist. Wait lists are long.

The hardest part is that unless your daughter wants the help and wants things to change, nothing will work. I didn’t ‘wake up’ to this until I was in my 30s.

Look forward to hearing from you.

You are welcome to have a look at LIVE CHAT: BPD for Friends, Family and Carers - This Sunday 3rd October 7:00-8:30pm AEDT or Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script