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Something’s not right

Navigating a hiccup or two

Navigating a hiccup or two

Hey forumites

I have realsied that for a long time I have put up defence mechanisms to prevent my love life from actually developing. For a while I thought it was coz I hadn't met the right person. But I have realsied that the issue is really that I've put up defence mechanism

Last night my partner said that it was good to speak to me for just 5 minutes. I straight away told her that I didn't want her to suffocate me. I didn't think at the time and this hurt her. I felt terrible and this morning I have spent some time reflecting on things.

I realsied that she was having a rough time and just wanted to speak with me. That's it. So I apologised and explained that I said what I said because I went I logical analytical overdrive. Where I just try to understand what she meant by what she said. The smarter thing would be to ask her what she meant by it.

I have explained this to her today and she is very busy working today.

As long as I am honest.

I know she has a therapist online. I also told her I had one.

I think it'll be okay after this message. But even if it isn't, I am being HONEST. and this is what I have craved.

I have many other things to ask and talk with her about but it is better to wait until I hear back from her.

Navigation of hiccups like this is hard. But I think its maturity and also about honesty.

Again - I would rather be rejected for being myself rather than accepted for who I am not. And I am not a liar or a cheater or an evil person. I'm just hurting from past emotional trauma and also when someone I used to date tried to abuse me physically.

This morning has been very tough I guess

22 replies

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In response to: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Hey @MDT hope you’re doing well I guess stick to what you’re doing the world will catch up

In response to: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Cheers IJM1
@Former-Member
You're a good dude never forget it

I feel a weight off my shoulders now after I sent that message to her.

I was honest and open and I've done some self work. Particularly around topic of abuse. The A word.

Have you heard of Alan Watts ?

In response to: Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Yeah he’s on my feed in YouTube and jabor mate is also pretty good. Not retaining much of what I’m learning these days but getting there lol @MDT

In response to: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Hello Hams
Some days are the tough days!
It can be difficult to protect ourselves and engage with others at the same time. That seems emotionally dangerous. It sounds like you both just want to be heard, but who does the 'hearing' first? It can be tricky to put our own hurt aside to listen to another person's hurt, but is also so powerful in building healthy relationship bonds.
You sound like you have some amazing insight to work with.
I hope your day gets better.

In response to: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Hey @MDT i really like how you always reflect your on past errors and come away with some great insight.... just like you have done here.

It kinda reminded me of what we discussed in my DBT skills group yesterday. The last couple of weeks has been on relationships and yesterday we talked about validation. Sounds like you both needed to be heard and validated yesterday.

wishing you well Hams

🎀

In response to: Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Yeah @Former-Member I read Mate's book recently it was very good. Reading one atm which is good too.

Keep it real

In response to: Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

@Curiouser
Thank you for your help and words
Let's see what happens aye

In response to: Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Thanks friend @Bow

Will see how it goes

In response to: Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

How are you going on the jobs front @MDT ? Any luck with the interviews you went to?

In response to: Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Re: Navigating a hiccup or two

Progressing through various stages @Former-Member

Will see how it goes aye

I always want the opposite to what I have in any given moment
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