Annnnd it ads on,...
Just got news this afternoon from a doctor at hospital that my other brother had passed on the 10/07!
I don’t know what I’m feeling right now to be honest! Im so lost!
His care place emailed last week to say he’d had a fall (he was using a walker due to having had stroke previously and never gaining strength back in his one foot). Now when he’d fallen, he’d broke his other foot (the good one). So the residence had taken him to hospital the next day as he’d been in a lot of pain. The email said he was due to have an operation on the foot but was in good hands and that they’d already organized physiotherapy for his return to reidence. He hadn’t taken his mobile with him when he went.
Fast forward early this week I sent another email to query his state (trusting I could leave matters in their hands since I already had Mum to care for). They responded Tuesday to say they weren’t sure which ward he was transferred to but that they’d find out and also take his mobile to him. That was this Tuesday!
Now today I get a phone call from the hospital to say he’d actually passed on the 10/07. That at 4am he’d been doing well and at 5am he was gone.
I dont jnow know how to process all this! How can one go to hospital with a suspected broken ankle and pass away ! And how can it take 10 days for news to travel to me and how was the care residence also completely oblivious to all this!
Im so upset and feeling so lost and angry.
When I called the care residence they were equally in shock over the news. The care residence then asked me what I planned to do with his belongings. I said “well what usually happens” and they responded that usually the family come to empty and clean as they could have a new resident the following week.
I said,.. well, I don’t know what we can do about that since I am in Australia and a Carer for Mum with severe dementia and that quite honestly it was the last thing on my mind right now. I also said I’ve already got too much on my shoulders, burnt out and struggling. I said feel free to give any of the bigger items away and that what I care about are smaller sentimental / personal items living in another country.
Which brings me me to the overwhelming sensation of “what the heck am I meant to do!!?!?”
how do I bury my brother who’s passed in a different country when I’m a Carer for Mum. There’s also the money factor. When my other brother passed, I maxed out my credit card, had to take a personal loan to deal with the costs involved. I’ve only just got back on track and this would be a major set back for me again.
Yet off course I feel like my brother deserves a fair send off but I just don’t know how! I’m in no capacity to deal with all this.
My farther (who I don’t have much to deal with) called me. He tried to say to me to worry about the person alive (Mum) and not to stress if I can’t organize the funeral, travel there and just let the government do what they do. But that makes me feel so guilty! Note: his not my brothers farther.
I just can’t believe this has happened!
Im so lost for words as to how to deal with all this.
He had such a gentle kind heart and I feel like he was disadvantaged a lot in life due to his disability. I can’t believe I will never hear his voice again! So upset but also hard to believe.
Due to Mums dementia, while in some way she knows what has happened, it hasn’t registered the same way. She is regarding it more like I’m over worried. I kindly let her know his gone but I’m not going to push it as my other brothers passing is what initially set off her dememtia.
So lost as to what I am meant to do and so heart broken.
