Guilt

I am anxious and depressed and have been for over twenty years. Actually I think I've been some form of different all my life. My husband and I are still together. I am not entirely sure we should be. He alternates between tolerant and downright hurtful. Recently he's said that he probably only has twenty good years left and he doesn't want to spend them in turmoil - I'm sure he meant the kind of turmoil that is stirred up by someone like me. And my daughters love me but they can't deal with it - they have too much going on in their lives to help me. Or, my mind being what it is - I can imagine they think they'd be pandering, giving weight and attention to the problem, which I alone am truly responsible for. So then, am I or should I be alone with this? That's why I'm here. I'm here because I'm just "in my head". So many thoughts. Misperceptions, delusions, disappointments....with nowhere to go and getting rid of the past and focusing only on the now- just a concept I can't make real.