Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

Change123Senior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 3:50 pm AEDT

MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

I'm new this forum and in desperate need of others perspective.

I'm really confused, I have BPD, I have been through the DBT 12 month program, I have seen counsellors, pyschologists and currently on meds . My partner has bipolar which was diagnosed about 12 years ago and was only on meds for a short time. Once I was diagnosed after him he had an awakening "apparently absolutley everything is my fault and my bpd", he doesnt abuse me phsycially but emotionally and verbally when he is like this - some of the things he says about me are so cruel I dont want to repeat - he has even said that he wishes I was dead! I know I have my issues and I think Im trying really hard but how can you overcome this BPD when you constantly have confirmed to you what your dark thoughts say (I'm worthless, I'm good for nothing, Im a bad person etc etc).

How do I know if its his issue or mine? He wont go to therapy and doesnt think he has a problem with his bipolar and can control it with pot. It definitely helps but when we run out I'm just freaking out as I know the big blow up is on the way. I'm at such a loss as I dont know the point in trying anymore, everything feels like hopeless and I feel I have no control over my life. I think about leaving him but I cant - I'm not set financially to start all over again and I guess the abandonement thing comes into play as well and I dont know what hell do if I do leave as I have had threats before but at the same time I dont want to throw away a long term relationship because I still dont know if the problem is me or him?

Thanks

3 replies

1 - 3 of 3

In response to: MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

AppleblossomSenior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 4:14 pm AEDT

Re: MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

Hello @Change123

The best advice I can give is keep notes ... and work out if the relationship has become toxic.

You gave me 2 big hints when you said he was a HE and that he smokes POT to control his MI.

It definitely takes 2 to Tango .. and if the boys arent up to the proper tango steps ..and you give him good time and warning and try and be be a bit low key ... you might be able to work it out.

For my part.. I have a niggly feeling that BPD is more about uneven power and power leveraging in the social circumstances of the diagnosed .. than genes .. but that is only my opinion.

DBT has great tools .. use them .. but no-one has to be perfect ... blame games are no longer tango or salsa ... or .. we all deserve respect in intimate relations.

In response to: Re: MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

Change123Senior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 4:22 pm AEDT

Re: MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

Thanks Appleblossom

My partner doesnt let me go to anymore therapy as a support group of BPD spouses told him that it feeds our attention seeking?? He doesnt know I'm on this forum if he did he would freak but I dont have any friends or family I can talk to - I'm totally isolated and i think he likes that. I totally believe that the relationship is toxic now, he doesnt believe me or listen to me as he says history has shown that i have lied before and everytime we argue (or rather he yells and screams at me as I dont say anything anymore) he brings up everything that has happened in our relationship even going back 15 years or more. I just feel like he wants to justify his lack of control over anger and moods and its just easy to blame me? Or am I just not willing to see that its me - I TRULY DONT KNOW.

In response to: Re: MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

Unknown userMember13 Oct 2016, 9:54 am AEDT

Re: MY BPD OR MY PARTNERS UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR

Hi there @Change123,

You seem to be having a tough time lately, especially with your relationship issues on top of your BPD.

I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing today?

I also thought i'd ask if you might be willing to see a Relationships Counsellor with your partner at all, together, so you both can get help to ease the issues you may be having within the relationship? Like communication, feelings of resentment and anger, etc.

Not sure if that is something that you both would be interested at looking into? But you could discuss it with your GP when you see them?

Take care,

Lunar

1 - 3 of 3