Hi @Anon3112,
Welcome to the forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. Thank you for sharing your secret with us, I can see that this is something you have struggled to share and hope sharing with us helps you find some comfort. The forums are actually a really good place to share things you don't feel you are ready / can't share with anyone else because you are anonymous, you are amongst friends, you are safe, and you aren't judged.
Struggling with depression alone for so long must have been so exhausting and difficult for you. I think the strength you have shown coping with depression alone for years along with the fact that you are now receiving support is something you should be really proud of.
Maybe, when you feel comfortable, you may want to discuss this with your psychologist. A psychologist can be a great person to unpack things with in a safe and supportive environment with no judgement.
I wish you all the best and thank you again for sharing with us - I hope it has helped to share.
Best wishes,
FloatingFeather