Resources for Carers

https://www.tandemcarers.org.au

is one ... though not BPD specific ... although there is a lot in common to most carer roles.

Good luck @Hibiscus1 Not an easy path.

Some people post on Hot choc thread ... for support ..

Thanks. I’ll look for hot chocolate!

Hi there @Hibiscus1,

So nice to meet you 😊

You are right, I believe that people with BPD can differ. No two people with depression or bipolar etc are exactly the same, they simply share some of the hallmarks of a diagnosis.

To your second question, I would think you could ask your family member or friend what they struggle with, and if they assert a boundary not to discuss it then I might respect that decision.

To your question "Do we really give in and few hurt regularly, to keep the peace as suggested", I believe carers have a right to respect, the same as those with BPD do. Having lived with a loved one with BPD, I found this aspect difficult to navigate at times. My best advice is to honour your needs alongside theirs, and in the times where you feel that is increasingly difficult I would reach out to professional support for advice on how to navigate your particular circumstance. That's what I did and I felt if nothing else it was a space where I could vent my feelings without escalating with my loved one.

Hope this helps 😊

I can relate to @Hibiscus , as how it is to live with some one who does not have empathy for others. I have found it hard over the years to remind myself that my partner does not have insight. He is really not able to understand this. He has either BPD, or even schizo-affective disorder, which developed around 50 years ago. The problem has been more obvious in recent years as we age. Now he also has Parkinson's disease, which also can cause lack of insight. His multiple health issues have now resulted into his being admitted to Palliative care. As I reflect on the past I try to think wether the negative times have been more than the positive, and it is not easy to tell. Difficulties have been there for me, and for him, because of his behaviour arising from illness, but there have been good times as well. I find he has great concern for others, and for big issues in the world, but not really for people close to him. When he became ill I felt that I should not seperate his sons from him, and there has been I think good results, I will never know if the negative things have outweighed the good..

@LizzieLou that sounds so tough, and I know in my experience, the time when a loved one has entered into palliative care can be quite a strange, reflective time. It sounds like you have been a wonderful support for your partner and his sons. Have you been able to find time to do things that are just for you? It can sometimes feel all consuming when we're caring for someone we love in such challenging times I know 💜

seems every time I post on the wrong spot. Don’t really get this forum.