Mother-in-needContributor
I am a carer and being cared for at the same time
Hi Everyone. I’ve used Patient style forums in the past due to being rather unwell and found them useful.
Today I suddenly wondered if there is such a forum for family members of people suffering from mental illness. Our adult son has a serious long-term mental illness and lives in a supported residential care unit.
Caring for him became emotionally very stressful. We were not all that involved in his physical care but had to deal with many episodes of psychosis as he was very irregular at taking his meds. The medication helps when he takes it but it has not really motivated him to do much with his life or to become independent.
Then a few years ago he began to drink and slide badly. Gave up all forms of hygiene and became a hermit in his bungalow which became unfit for human habitation.
Being his parents he did not allow us to teach him. He is highly intelligent and knows everything best most of the time. When he is stable he is loving and kind and can even show a lot of empathy. However he demands to be treated as an adult, which we fully understand and his wish for independence is something we share as well. A few years ago he had a very good Case Manager when he became unwell, who told us that the best thing we could do for him was to make him homeless but at that time, we couldn’t go through with it. Then sometime after that he became very unwell.
We took in seriously what his Case Manager advised we jumped into action.
We had grown fearful of his verbally abusive behavior, and could feel it getting worse, and feared for our safety. We took advice to get an intervention order taken out so the hospital couldn't simply send him home once he is full of drugs. That was the first extremely traumatic thing we had to do. Next came removing our permission for the bungalow to remain on our property. Hence making our own son, sick as we was, homeless. It is difficult to describe how painful this can be. I always wanted our home to be a haven of refuge for family members if the need arose. Throwing our son into the street, or making him homeless nearly killed me. But it was the only way that we knew of which would force the hospital (against his will) to accept some other type of accommodation. They found him a room in a Residential Care Unit.
All went smoothly at first but the care unit that he was in was a bit rough with many people with dual diagnosis (including drug addiction) and criminal records. He ended up getting involved with risky behavior and he got unwell again. We found him a quieter Residential unit to move into. This care unit is quite expensive so we are currently subsidizing his rental. Things were going well until he recently became unwell again.
The reason is still a bit unclear and the stories we hear from him vs the Residence are inconsistent. However, he was unable to return there until he received treatment. So we ended up caring for him. The Residence had already said he needed to be in hospital to be stabilised. We were put under enormous pressure to take him in. It was the street, or us so we agreed to take him in temporarily whilst they found somewhere for him to live whilst receiving more intensive treatment. Despite input from us (who have seen his psychotic episodes many times and recognise the symptoms) and the staff at the Residence who have been looking after mentally ill people for ever, the Treatment team and their Psychiatrist diagnosed him as yes being ill, needing treatment but not ill enough for an acute psych ward so treatment in our home was the only option. This was impossible where he was living because he refused to behave there and leave the other residents alone.
Nobody saw any improvements in him but my husband tried to take him back to his home. He was going to continue to be treated there. But things fell apart quickly and he ended up on the streets.
The treatment team asked me to fill in a missing person's form with the local police which I did and the next day he turned up at the clinic for his injection. I had rung the team and said when/if he turns up a) ring the police and b) lock him up this time. The treatment team member I spoke with told me it was not up to me to dictate what to do and they would do their own assessment. I told her I can't cope going through another night like the last one and almost shouted at her when she politely asked could they send him back to our place for treatment in the home. Now I felt like the bitch from hell. I had to say NO WAY I AM TOO ILL TO COPE and passed the phone to my husband who is getting too old to cope. He has an almost fulltime job looking after me. He is my carer and I am our son's carer. What a joke.
Anyway a very nice policewoman interviewed our son at the clinic. Rang me and told me that she could not arrest him under the mental health act as he didn't seem to be mentally ill. They had a nice old chat and he was very much aware of what he was doing and so case dismissed he was no longer missing. I kept my cool sitting here wondering what next. How could this policewoman who had been called in by the treatment team about to inject him with his antipsychotic drug, diagnose him as not mentally ill? After a 5 minute pleasant chat? Our son is highly intelligent and can talk for quite a while, have people around him laughing out loud right in the middle of an episode. You just need to know what questions to ask to get the right picture.
Treatment team rang shortly thereafter and told me he had been committed. I got 2 other calls by the team members. I began to think they committed him to avoid having to commit me.
Ok long post. He is safely locked away for now but the problem is not solved. He can't stay in hospital forever and they have told us he refuses to go back to the Residence and has now opted to stay with them on a voluntary basis. That I find a bit confusing. But at least they are aware he is quite unwell and are talking with us.
Our worry is how do we cope with this. We need to put in place support for a son who doesn't believe he needs it. Feels it is his God given right to preach to anyone who he comes across even if they are not keen to hear him. We managed to get the State Trustees appointment as Administrators. We tried getting a guardian for him but that didn't work. VCAT told us that the Mental Health Act would look after him. Well we have yet to see it. When our son hears the word Guardian he goes totally wild as he has heard from other residents what a nuisance guardians can be. However we are at a loss what to put in place to help him from here on.
Not even sure what my question here is. I called myself mother-in-need as I am too ill to cope with this and watching my husband getting more and more frustrated trying to manage life with a very sick wife and a son who needs constant help and support. In fact when he lived with us we had a lot less worry. The issues were that he was withdrawing more and more from social contact and totally neglecting his personal and living space hygiene. Since moving out we have seen a lot of improvements.
Despite his money being managed by an Administrator our son has discovered that the banks allow debits accounts to go into overdrafts so he is once again running up debts. I am no wondering why call them debit cards when they seem to work like credit cards.
Anyway I am not even sure now what I am trying to get help with. It's all too hard and confusing. We are seeing his Psychiatrist tomorrow. I too am under Psychiatric treatment due to medication I need to take. My husband and I both have a counselor we see to help us with this. Guess it would be nice to hear if others have managed to get help for relatives suffering from a mental illness who refuse to believe they have one and don't think they require any help and don't believe in living by any community rules but doing whatever they feel "God" instructs them to do.
ok that's enough for one post.
