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Lost

HazzaCasual Contributor09 Oct 2016, 9:31 pm AEDT

Lost

Well where to start. Stright to the point i guess.
I think about suide and how to do it daily. I really dont injoy life. Ive been home 3 years after traveling overseas for 5 years. The people who have came and seen me would be maybe 5 people. Its always been up to me to see people. So over the past 2 years ive stop visiting any one. Sick of one sided friendship.
I dont go out now just carnt be botherd been around people or drinking.
I know my mum cares but thats it. Shes geting older scars the shit out of me. I try not to see her to much now or go anywhere with her. I hate see her body fail her and strugging to get around.
My dad has very little inpact in my life for the past 10 year. After going to mums one day he was there. So we aranged to have coffie the nexted weekend so i went had coffie. I have sence driven and hour a dozzen times. Yet suprise suprise he hasnt once came back to see me. Hes never been to my house. And i know he has been here seeing other people but to see his son is just to much hard work So ive deside thats a lost course. Havent spoken now for 6 month.
Ive had a few relasionships end, by me just never seemed to work. But miss the company alot.
My mind never seems to turn off. It just keeps going.
Ive been cycle sence i got home. The past 12 month ive taken it serisly and train real had with too other guys. The best way to clear my head i found is riding and training real hard. And i love it. But it dosnt always work.
I few ive done nothing with my life and going no where.
If i had the money i would go away again. The only time i been really happy. Been with people who understand you. Theres no one like it here.

Theres so much more but i didnt even expect to right what i have. Just a blowout i guess. I carnt talk about it but telling stranges might help.
I dont know what i expect from this and dont even know what im asking. Who knows maybe you guys reading this might know.

Sorry i know my spelling is bad and hope you can understand what ive writhen.

4 replies

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In response to: Lost

Unknown userMember09 Oct 2016, 9:59 pm AEDT

Re: Lost

Hi @Hazza,

I'm one of the moderators on the Forum, I just wanted to say welcome and congratulations on your first post 🙂

I'm so sorry to hear what a terrible time you've had since getting back from your travels.. Definitely gives a whole new meaning to the term post-holiday blues, doesn't it? Only compacted by the one-sided friendships... I think we've all experienced that. I know I have. It's so hard when we are down to be the one always putting in the effort with others. It can be really emotionally taxing.

Have you ever had support of a mental health professional Hazza?

I know you're not sure what you're going to get on here.. But I really hope you find at the very least some comfort, support and guidance from people who can truly empathise with what you are going through. I know a lot of the members have had similar experiences as what you've discussed in your post, either through their own personal journey or supporting someone else. If you feel up to it, please feel free to have a look at this thread called Night Shift or this one called The Beer Garden. It's where most of the regular members go to chat about day-to-day things.

Otherwise, there's also this thread called The Coping Box, where members contibute thoughts and ideas about what kind of tools they use when they are struggling to cope. If you are ever having thoughts of suicidal ideation, it might be worth a look 🙂

In response to: Re: Lost

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 2:38 am AEDT

Re: Lost

Hi @Hazza 😊

Welcome to the forums. Sometimes it helps to just get your feelings out there and tell someone how it is for you right now, and that's what you have done .... when you know that you are not alone and are being heard, hopefully it will give you more courage in your day to day endeavours.

Saving for another trip is a great goal to set too .... hopefully that will keep you motivated as well.

Take care.

In response to: Lost

HazzaCasual Contributor10 Oct 2016, 10:11 am AEDT

Re: Lost

The hardest thing is been alone. When im only my mind just free for all on me.
Not sure if you have herd of couchsurfer but i love it they fill the house great to chat too and just on the same page. There the only ones i feel i relate too. We chat adventures.

Early this year i race the bike. Long story short i was in emergency then told im haveing a heart attack and this is series. I dont think ive ever felt so much relef. I was happy. Its finnly over i just smiled. In the end i spent a week in hospitel. Then told no more bike till i see specialest. That last 2 days to everyone descust. There was no way i was staying at home by my self doing nothing plus i didnt care if somthing happond anyway.
Does every one get suisidel thorts and lack of careing as i do?? Its my mum that keeps me going and dosnt even know it.
I think alot of why to people even want to live in this world the way it is. Theres so much death of innocent people and hate. Theres so much more i want to wright thats in my head.
Sorry for the esay but i started and keep going.
I will look at the group you linked for me. As for profenional help it only a small place and dont want to walk into an office of somone i know. I was looking for small suport gorups in south west vic but carnt find any as yet. Just some where to go lissien. If you know of any would be great.
Thanks

In response to: Re: Lost

AppleblossomSenior Contributor11 Oct 2016, 10:07 pm AEDT

Re: Lost

Hello @Hazza

My daughter was into couch surfing ... both when she travels and she opens hew home to them too. It is a great idea. My mother used to have boarders for company as well as to help with the bills.

I dont know of any groups in the SW Vic .. I hope the mods could let you know if they exist.

There are 2 sides to this forum. This is the carers side. In the "lived experience" side are a lot of people who have had suicidal thoughts but are finding ways to deal with them and build a life.

I know how you feel about one-sided relationships, but I havent given up all hope.

Are you a cyclist? Wasnt sure from your post.

Welcome to the forum.

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