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Grasping at straws

Panic-in-blackCasual Contributor29 June 2022, 6:58 am AEST

Grasping at straws

This is primarily a vent. I’m just so over feeling like crap. I am working through a childhood trauma which was partially forgotten for many years but is the root of numerous other traumatic incidents. Through heaps of counselling the other traumatic moments don’t trigger me or promote a response general and I’m super grateful for that. But this one event. It feels like it’s was last week not 20 years ago. It feels soul undoing and like it’s taken apart every part of me and I’ve lost half the pieces. It’s invasive and causing flashbacks and a bunch of other fun crap. But I’m so terrified that I’m never going to be able to deal with it and I’ll have to live this way for ever. I constantly disassociate to get through, but my mind also loves the suicidal thoughts (zero intention to act these days) and self harm (tempting but also no intention). But I just don’t know how to deal with it, to even go near it.
And I just don’t know if it will ever go away and it feels like I’m grasping at straws, fighting to breath and I’m exhausted

6 replies

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In response to: Grasping at straws

NatureLoverSenior Contributor29 June 2022, 7:24 am AEST

Re: Grasping at straws

Hi @Panic-in-black , I'm sorry you've experienced traumas, and that this particular trauma is so distressing 😞

@Panic-in-black wrote:
I am working through a childhood trauma which was partially forgotten for many years but is the root of numerous other traumatic incidents.

Are you currently working through it with a counsellor? (I realise you've worked through your other traumas with a counsellor, just wasn't sure from what you wrote about this one)

I realise you can hardly bear to face it...am so sorry it's so distressing.

Wishing you lots of good wishes as you go through this.

In response to: Re: Grasping at straws

Panic-in-blackCasual Contributor29 June 2022, 8:38 am AEST

Re: Grasping at straws

Yeah I am working with my trauma counsellor still and psych. But it’s affecting my over all general health and I’m just at my limit.

thanks for the thoughts

In response to: Grasping at straws

MDTSenior Contributor29 June 2022, 9:18 am AEST

Re: Grasping at straws

hi there @Panic-in-black
Many thanks for sharing your experiences. Trauma is a hard thing to work though but it sounds like you are at that stage where you have the raw thoughts but have 0 intention to act on them. I've been there in the past and what does help in my experience is calling a support line and talking it out.
Unfortunately it can be a long wait between psych visits and they are usually always booked out. But also too, I'm wondering if that is an option for you - to visit a psych?

In response to: Re: Grasping at straws

MDTSenior Contributor29 June 2022, 9:19 am AEST

Re: Grasping at straws

apologies I didn't see your reply here to @NatureLover

In response to: Grasping at straws

anti_anti_medsCasual Contributor29 June 2022, 7:20 pm AEST

Re: Grasping at straws

@Panic-in-black

Hey there, I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way lately. As someone else mentioned, I think seeing a counsellor or a psychologist would really help.

In the meantime, if I may, I'd like to recommend a book: "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?" by Dr Julie Smith. She has a YouTube channel and is also on Tiktok.

I didn't read the whole book, but I found what I did read to be very insightful. It helped me understand much of what I was thinking about and how to be at peace with my own childhood trauma as well.

Sometimes when I feel really stressed, I tell myself to take, slow deep breaths. It really helps.

I hope you will feel better soon. Keep us updated on how you are feeling.

In response to: Grasping at straws

MissMuffetSenior Contributor30 June 2022, 9:34 am AEST

Re: Grasping at straws

I too am going through a similar process. I've tried lots of different psychology but the one I am currently doing is called EMDR therapy and it is very helpful in processing these kinds of memories. I highly recommend finding a psychologist who lists EMDR as one of their therapies.

In a nutshell, EMDR helps your brain process traumatic memories in a way that they are no longer emotionally charged. It's often used for PTSD but I'm finding it helpful even for just vivid and emotional childhood memories.

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