Scared of screwing up

Hello @horsecrazy4eva

Just read your note about screwing up some issues with your course work experience/placement.

What I seem to be "hearing" from you is a lot of self-criticism and negative expectation about your performance in the course and possibly in other areas of life also.

I know that when I am talking to God, I often have to remind myself not to ask God to fix things for me or even to carry me through tasks, events and projects. Consequently, I tend to pray for strength and encouragement, not only on a specific task, but throughout my day, week, year and life.

Another thought is to imagine God responding, not passive but active. "Hey Henry, I can't help you along if all you do is complain about how useless you are. I can only offer you support if you are confident enough to pick up most of the 'weight'. Remember, it is your life, not mine".

There have been numerous times when God has let me go on thinking negatively, the way I too often do, and I've fallen in a great heap, not because God let me down. It was me and my negative self-talk. Sometimes I think that I limit my expectations in such a way that If I only accomplish the limited level that I had expected of myself, I can be satisfied with having accomplished that mediocre self imposed standard. However, those limited standard expectations become "self-fullfilling profecies". I never achieve what I and others could expect of me.

Please let me know if any of these thoughts connect with and for you. If they do, then maybe we can talk some more about these issues. It sounds like I might be at the opposite end of life to you, but I am still learning and also hoping that there are aspects of life in which I can share ideas.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX

Well I really like how much post shows that you care. One thing I'd definitely advise is use that strength on yourself. See it as an act of compassion. You gain a lot more productivity from self-care than what you lose.

I'm also being educated while on the spiritual side. It's an interesting balance. There's secular reasons to put those aspect aside so you not pushing expectations into people. At the same time but there's inter-sectional reasons to use those aspects to deepen connections.

On that notion if you'll indulge some spiritual reflection. I'm finding myself thinking super-old school and wanting to add some Voodoo advice. "God is very busy". By that I mean, Voodoists need the Orishas, Christians need Christ and the Holy Spirit, Rama devotees need Hanuman, (Atheists need ......intellectual giants? (to stand on the shoulders of? That sort of thing???))..... and so the list goes on. Remember your Saints, is what I'm saying. Who your Saints are is for you to say.

Hi @horsecrazy4eva

And other members who may be reading this thread

It seems to me, in the first sentance of your response that there is the first reference to self defeat. "I expect so much of myself, perhaps too much." {putting ourselves down already - buying into the expressed opinions that others have stated} which also ties in with your last sentence, in which you are "wanting to please everyone and be appreciated as such". The desire to please everyone and be "appreciated", is fraught with difficulty.

After a fairly full life, I have developed the belief that we really need to please ourselves first. That may appear to be the reverse of what we are often told to think. However, it is likely that pleasing ourselves first will lead to meeting the needs of others most effectivelly and efficiently, particularly when meeting the needs of others is our goal.

For example, in a course, we may be so focussed on meeting the needs of others that we may overlook the need to acquire the information, knowledge and skills that are required and to then become profficient in the application of each, and then, ultimately thereby, meeting the needs of others. It may actually be better to act in a "selfish" way and think of our own needs first, before attempting to meet the needs of others with those skills that we have, at first, "selfishly" acquired.

A specific example of that situation is in the training for cliff rescue in the State Emergency Service. The objective is to save the life of a person at the bottom of the cliff. However, every person has to learn the specific skills in setting up the physical structure that will enable them to lower a medic and stretcher to the victim . We have to be "selfish" in avoiding being caught up in concern for the victim and confine our thoughts to what we need to do in our role in the activity. The learning process requires acquiisition of knowledge and and physical skills and the repetitiion of those skills in order to learn and implant the mental activity and physical skills on our minds, in each step in the process in setting up the structure - not in saving the victim, which is the ultimate goal or end point of the exercise. I use the word exercise in both the training and the real situation. Our roles have to be learnt so effectivelly that they become implanted as muscle memory. The website: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_memory refers to muscle memory as;

"Muscle memory is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task into memory through repetition, which has been used synonymously with motor learning."

When we are learning a process, I believe that we need to be mentally separated from the intended outcome. That means the intended recipient of the skills or anyone else whom we may be attempting to please.

In a course, whether it is bricklaying, hospitality, or for a psychological support role, I believe that we have to learn each step "selfishly" for our own acquisition of knowledge and skills in the process of steps which need to be applied in the application of those skills, so that we are not thinking of the victim, the client, the guest when we are learning and when we are applying that knowledge. Consideration and thought for the other person is an overlay of our personality on top of the knowledge and skills that we have acquired. That is what makes our contribution specific and personal.

Sometimes we may think that specialists in any field, from trades people to service and professionally qualified people such as doctors, seem to be somehow separated from the actual work that they are doing. It is only by acquiring the skill and mental and physical attributes of "muscle memory" that we can then afford to pay attention to the client, the guest, the patient. Which was our primary goal when we first started the journey. We are trying to please other people. It is often not that we fail to please others, it is that we may have failed to learn what we reqiuired to know in order to be able to please others and gain that appreciation to which we aspire.

@horsecrazy4eva, I would be interested to know your thoughts about what I have offered.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX