Still stuck in the negative train

Hi @PocketRocket88 ,

Sorry this has happened to you. In a way, it reminds me of a similar situation I faced last year.

I was involved in a 10-week health program last year, and there was a follow-up program which focussed on mental health. I thought, that'll be great for me to participate. So I applied. Upon my intake phone call, it sounded like the clinician had made up her mind that I wasn't suitable for the program because I was high-risk (?? - no, I wasn't high risk whatsoever). I then received an email that I was no permitted to participate in the group sessions.

So how did I feel? I was angry that I worked so hard to get to where I was, and was now 'kicked-out' of a program that was designed to benefit me in terms of my mental health. In a way, I feel similar to how you are currently feeling. I felt rejected, and abandoned. In my quest to get answers, I contacted the clinical manager via email and asked for a phone call.

The clinical manager phoned, and I was able to explain how far I'd come in my recovery, only to be kicked out of a program. I told her how I felt, and that I thought it was very unjust.

To cut a long story short, she said, even if I WERE to be accepted now, I probably won't get as much out of it, knowing that the clinicians and facilitators running it knew my history (during intake). Ultimately, changes were made to the onboarding process for the program. The clinical manager did, however, arrange for the handouts to be emailed through to me each week for me to go through in my own time, and encouraged me to apply again this year.

So all in all, as much as I was hurt, i've learnt to accept it that maybe that was not the best time. This year, I may consider re-applying, but really, I probably don't need it.

So hold tight @PocketRocket88 , your time will come.

tyme

Another point I just remembered @PocketRocket88 , having worked with some of these therapy groups, services generally do not take on participants who are at an acute stage of their MH. I always found this strange because I thought these services are supposed to help people in need!

Lo and behold, I learnt that while people are acutely unwell, they are usually in such distress that the skills learnt DBT, CBT etc cannot be practised at this time. Therefore, services like to ensure participants are in a ready mindframe to be able to get the most of these therapies, particularly when cost is involved.

How I see it is, unless we see to someone's need for food, shelter and water, it is hard to work on other aspects of their life.

I hope I'm making sense,

tyme

I'm sort of all over the shop today, my head is going miles and my physical self is tired due to lack of sleep...

I think whatever lows that happened over the past few days hasn't really sink in properly as Ive been using illegal drugs to numb myself from whatever emotions I have to face...

Im afraid that when I do have to face those emotions that I will get overwhelmed that I wouldn't know what to do with it that I would just revert to either just hurting myself or probably worse...

I know I need to get off the drugs and face the reality but I just don't know how to safely do it...

The ideations are yet again constant but the urge is getting stronger that I'm fearing that it'll become unmanageable...

Hey @PocketRocket88

It sounds like it has been a bit of an erratic few days. It can be hard to decipher what is really going on for you when you're affected by drugs.

It's great that you are tapping into that little bit of motivation and reaching out here. Well done!

I'm so sorry to hear about the ongoing ideation and urges getting stronger. One thing you can do is reach out to a crisis service. They can support you in making a plan to keep safe for now. Here are a few numbers:

SANE Support Centre: 1800 18 7263 (10am-10pm AEST) or online chat

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 (24/7) or online chat

The Samaritans: 135 247 (8am-8pm AWST)

Lifeline: 131 114 (24/7) or online chat

I'm also going to send you an email to check in.

Look after yourself today @PocketRocket88 and keep reaching out 💜