CH677666Casual Contributor
Worried I have schizophrenia
Things started to happen was I was 12 years old, I would be lying in bed and hearing voices outside my window and coming out of the toilet but this only happened every now and again, during this time I also started getting depressed. I started feeling like everything was a big deal.
During highschool, I believed 100% that I smelt bad no matter what, my parents told me I didn't and I never asked my friends because I was to scared to.
No one at school even told me I did to my face but I would hear them whispering it. I left school at 15 because I could not deal with it.
I got a job and it was hard because I was always hearing them talking about me but was to scared to ask them if they were. I was very paranoid all the time that everyone thought I was a freak 24/7.
About 2 years ago I was posting my nudes online (which I regret and have stopped) and thought my sister and her boyfriend had found out about it and were pretending to be people messaging me sexual things and were talking about it and laughing I thought they told my mum/dad and that my dad had followed my account to keep an eye on me (I knew he was doing this because when I posted a photo I heard him shout my name and when his phone went off I knew it was a notification from my account, I don't know how I knew this but I just did) I also remembered my mum coming into my room and telling me I should not do that but I finally talked to her about this today and she said none of this happened at all.
Recently at this new job I started thinking i was projecting my thoughts to people and that everyone knew I was doing this but didn't tell me directly but were making comments behind my back about how I was a freak/weird, I was sexually abused as a child and I thought I was projecting these memories out to all the customers and my co workers and that they all thought I was going to molest a child. It was hard to deal with. I thought they asked my parents about it and my parents told them I was not broadcasting my thoughts at home so now everyone at work thought I was doing it on purpose so that they couldn't fire me.
When all this started happening I really tried to tell real from fake and now I don't even know what I believe any more. I had a mental breakdown because I heard customers laughing at me and asking me "Do you want a bullet" meaning that they wanted me dead because I smelt bad and they knew I was weird. But looking bad on it now no one was even around me when I heard that. But I went home and started planning to run away from my town and never speak to my family/friends again.
At one point I believed I was possessed by a demon or had a entity attached to me that was making me lazy and not be able to think right.
Could I have been hearing voices on and off for 8 years without realising and still working a job. I don't know what Is real any more.
I am now worried that I might have schizophrenia but I know some of this is crazy so I just don't know what is going on right now everything feels so crazy, I have a job and an understanding boss who let's me have time off when I need it and I'm seeing a doctor soon but I don't know what to time them and what they are gonna say. I'm scared that things will get worse, I'm hoping that it is just anxious and that when I tell my doctor that everything will get better (I don't know if that is even possible) right now I'm questioning my reality and I'm struggling to get my head to think right.
I also don't know how serious this is should I go to my doctor tomorrow or can this wait a few weeks to see if it get better or worse? (I don't know if this is real or if I'm making it up)
