I can’t cope

I embarrassed myself last night for sharing way to much. I’m sorry.

Tonight is even worse and I am really really not ok. I’m not in a good place at all.

I think it’s best for me to stay off here tonight so I don’t over share again.

Heya @Captain24, whatever you feel is right for you! It sounds like you've made the right decision for you based on what you need tonight to feel well ❤️

I don't know if you know this concept, but I often have "vulnerability hangovers" after sharing some parts of me sometimes. Sounds like it might resonate with you?

Here are some articles on it and how to overcome it a little

• What is a vulnerability hangover?
• What is a vulnerability hangover and 6 ways to overcome it

I find when I have a vulnerability hangover, it's a space for me to learn

• The embarrassment I feel is a sign I shared too much
• I learn that I could take a moment to think about what I share in that space or social situation next time
• I think about if there is someone else I could share that information with next time to feel safer

❤️ We'll be here when you're ready to come back!

Sorry things are so hard @Captain24

Hello hello @Captain24 @Bow ! What' happening for both of you today?

I'm just catching up and I saw the photo of Pixie with a muddy face... OMG! Just too cute!

Hello @tyme @creative_writer @Bow Hope you have all had a good day

I had a realisation today. Not only do I fear unhealthy judgement from my parents but i am actually afraid of them. I also don’t think I like them.

We had lunch in the park today with the dogs. There was 2 tables left and I picked the wrong one. A dog walked passed and Pixie barked once when dad yelled at her and I flinched.

How can I be good enough for myself if I’m not even good enough for my parents?

No wonder I hate myself. Would they even care if I did end it all? I just don’t want to keep going. I can’t get any relief from the dark I’m in. I actually really miss the highs I was having. At least they gave me happiness and joy.

@Captain24 . I'm listening. I hear what you say, but I'm not sure it is what it seems. Your dad 'barked' and it scared you. If your dad was with a stranger, I don't think he would've reacted in the same way. I see it that he is comfortable with you and that's why he did what he is.

It's like me, I show my colours to those closest to me. It's not that I want to hurt anyone, but when I'm comfortable with someone, I end up letting go of some of the restraints I'd have if I was with an acquaintance.

It's like kids mucking up for their parents but are 'angels' otherwise.

As you've said in the past, it is an unsaid rule that your family will reach out if anyone needed it.

So yes, your parents would care - they'd care very much if you weren't around. And so would we here.

I’m contemplating telling them just my diagnosis. @tyme . But I’m really scared of the judgement and stigma. Plus mum will make it all about her. If I can’t get sorted it’s going to have to come out sometime.

The MH nurse keeps mentioning admitting me. I’m not really sure what that involves though. I have a plan and that’s what is concerning them. Plus with each psychiatrist app the means for my plan keeps getting larger.

If they know about the bipolar at least it may not be as much of a shock if I don’t have a choice about admission. It also makes appointments easier than constantly having to make up stuff. But at the same time I go back to work Friday and maybe things will be a little better. Plus if these meds are right they should start to work by the end of next week.

I am so confused and all over the place. I can’t focus on anything for longer than 5 minutes, other than not wanting to be here. I just wander aimlessly around the house all day.

I don’t want to go back to work but I know I need to mentally. All the stuff I wrote the other night hasn’t eased. It’s all still running through my head.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can get better or if this is what my life is going to be like. I want to get better but I’m running out of time and patience.

Nothing makes any sense, sorry. Life doesn’t seem to make any sense.

It would be good to talk to the MH team about the admission in a way to determine if it will help you @Captain24 . For bipolar, it's often to sort out what meds are good. If you go in with a recovery mindset, you will get more out of it.

Just be open to things, and let your heart guide you.

I'm still here even if you do have an admission.