I can’t cope

Hi all

I just thought I would check in.

I want to thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I have been reading them through my notifications. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to come on and respond.

Things have been really rough while I have been absent. I made another attempt and almost made a second.

I agreed to go into hospital but my CM couldn’t find me a bed. It probably was a good thing being this time of year, dad still having treatment and Pix still being locked up and needing rehab.

Im still in a really bad place but I do think I am through the worst of it. My depression is severe and my SI is still really extreme but I think that I may have control of it at the moment. It doesn’t take much to push me back over the edge though.

Through it all I haven’t missed a day of work. It has been really hard to turn up each shift and try and fake being ok. Others have noticed that I am not in a good place. I did injure myself at work but I’m still there on light duties. The pain hasn’t help with my severe depression.

I also went to a work event and shared my MH journey with the members. I managed to stand up in front of everyone and read it out. With where I’m at, it was a massive achievement and I am proud of myself.

I have been following along with you all and you have been in my thoughts. I’m just not sure that I have the capacity to help. Just know that I have been following along and do care deeply with what you have all been going through and are going through.

Captain.

Aww @Captain24!! Thank you for stopping by and sharing with us about where you're at! It is clear that you are really going through it right now, but I can see how much amazing strength and incredible resilience you have within you to be pushing through. It would have taken strength to agree to go into hospital (even though it didn't work out that way), and especially would have taken a lot of strength to share so openly in front of everyone at work. I'm proud of you too!!

It's so okay that you don't have capacity to support others right now - in fact I am glad that you are focusing your energy inward, on yourself and your recovery. We miss you and love you dearly, and it warms me to know you're still following along and popping in when you feel up to it. I hope Pix's recovery is going well too!

Sending you SOOOOO many squishy huggles!

🤗💜

Thanks @Jynx

Your words mean a lot.

I have missed everyone too. I just haven’t had the strength and still really struggling with it.

All I think I have in me is a lighthearted chat. I can’t take on anything else or anything deeper. It’s just too hard right now to take anything on board.

Pix is doing quite well. The rehab specialist is impressed. I guess I’m doing one thing right!

Thank you for sharing @Captain24 and I am sitting with you my friend ❤️

Hello @Jynx 😊

Hello lovely @Shaz51! 😊💜 Hope you're well!

@Captain24 nurturing your energy by only giving small amounts you have to spare is also doing something right!

I'm glad to hear Pix is doing so well in recovery, and hopefully soon will be back in full derp/zoomies mode!!

OK here @Jynx

My husband thinks I was having a panic attack this afternoon, I thought it was just wind pains

Just waiting for this silly cyclone

Already windy at our D1

And our S3 and family want to drive up here on Friday, long way to drive and right after the cyclone-- a bit worried

Having an incoming cyclone would be super scary @Shaz51 I'm not surprised you're feeling impacted! I hope they arrive safely. Gonna hit by Wednesday ay? I hope your power stays on so we can keep in touch!

I got my mobile phone charged up and ready my @Jynx 😁

Good stuff, superstar @Shaz51! We'll ride the storm with you, together 💜