I can’t cope

I'm sorry you are dreading your appointment @Captain24 . Maybe that's where the growth is.

I think I treasure and look forward to my appointments because they are so hard to get. I've also been on a roller coaster with this psychologist. He's seen me through my roughest moments. It's been a long road... it's more like a professional 'friendship' now where we catch up about things and I just share what's been happening in my world. Then he offers his insights which i deeply appreciate.

@Captain24 💗

My CM said the same thing @tyme. It shows growth. I just don’t see it but she said she could. Especially with the fact that I reached out yesterday for an appointment with her to help me get through the weekend.

I has a ‘friendship’ with my old CM and she knew me better than I know myself. I think that’s why I have struggled so hard with her leaving me. So I think I understand your relationship with you psychologist.

Dads doing ok after his surgery but we don’t get the results back for 7-10 days. Now it’s an even longer wait. They have told all his brothers and sisters and I guess they will tell my brother this afternoon if he answers his phone. Mum did say yesterday that it’s not looking good.

So far today I just feel a little flat and low so I guess that’s an improvement. I have to go grocery shopping but I’ll do it this afternoon when I hope it’s quieter and there is less tourists around. I’m hoping they will all be on bush walks or at the wineries and doing touristy things.

Im not looking forward to going back to work but at least it’s just one day and two nights. I need to work though to keep my mood in check. The routine and getting out of the house helps most of the time. It does mean that I have to shower though, at least it will make me do it I guess.

Hey @Captain24 ,

Sometimes, we are the cruelest judges of ourselves.

In the thick of things, we can't see our growth, as our mind is geared towards the dark side of things.

I hope work goes okay for you @Captain24 .

Hope to chat soon.

I feel like I’m always negative. @tyme. I don’t mean to be though. I do have occasions though. Like yesterday I reached out for help to be proactive. It was a proud moment.

This is how negative I am. I just cooked dinner and I was great. But now I have a mess to clean up. 😂 oh well at least I ate healthily! The mess can wait until tomorrow.

Hope your day has been good.

Are you working tonight? I'm having roast pork tonight with creamy pasta and okra @Captain24 . Yum.

Nah I have work tomorrow dayshift. @tyme.

Im a little bit proud of myself as I used my dieticians analogy and have cleaned my kitchen! It was the best thing and has helped me a lot. I had roast beef and veggies. Roast pork sounds good. I’ve never made it.

As I was cleaning I was thinking about my negativity. I think I know where it stems from. I guess that’s a start. I just don’t know how to change it.

Nice work! @Captain24

Good on you. At least that's some reprieve.

As for the negativity, knowing where it stems from and what it does is the start. Now, it's about changing the course of the thoughts. This means, as soon as it comes, you need to actively think of something else so that your brain learns to connect negative thoughts with okay situations.

Just consider how many hours of practice you've had of thinking negatively? Now, it's about retraining your brain.

One method I've shared before is "Musical Thoughts" - sing your negative thoughts away to a tune you know... even if it's 'baby shark...' This sounds stupid, but the more you do it, the less impactful these negative thoughts become.

I can try it @tyme.

I’ve just got to catch them before they take hold. It’s probably been obvious to everyone around me. Just taken me a while to catch on. I’m a bit slow! It’s the way I’ve been programmed.

Do you have plans with you niece and nephews? It’s school holidays down there isn’t it?

You're not slow. It's quite normal to so down the path of negativity...it's harder to climb back up the hill though! It takes active effort and it uses muscles you haven't used in a long time @Captain24 .

With my nephew and nieces, they are on school holidays. My house is a huge mess because of them. They leave everything at my place - jackets, jumpers, beanies, shoes, socks.... It's like a trail of disaster. It took 15 mins for me to find car keys this morning!

They have actually been quite restless, esp the eldest. I'm trying to be kind and patient, but she wearing my patience thin...

I know I gotta love em....

So no, apart from a few day trips, I'm not doing much with them.

I'm saving my energy for next holidays where we are going camping for a week or sooo. That's going to drain me! But it'll be fun.